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Gang 'O Babes

A Penetrating Question

Karma (Entrepreneur, 29) — First, let's define sex. For me, sex is penetration. Giving or receiving oral stimulation isn't sex. Giving or receiving manual stimulation isn't sex. Therefore, sex always includes penetration for me. Oral and manual stim are nice and dandy, but if it's an orgasm I'm after, then it's got to include penetration.

Katie (Production Electrician, 27) — Hell, no! I like to broadly define my sexual experiences. I like sex to lead to orgasm for one or more of the parties involved, and you don't need to insert tab A into slot B to get that. Getting it up and getting it in isn't the only way to have a hot time!

Michelle (Web Developer, 28) — Nope. In fact, I once dated someone for about two years before we did the deed. That’s not to say we didn’t find plenty of other ways to have fun; we just didn’t have intercourse. He got off, I got off (a few times!) and we were both happy.

Patricia (Artist, Strongwoman, Beer Drinker, 37) — Hell, yeah. By the way, this is me speaking in terms of being a part of a serious relationship for the last five years. Anywho, part of the enjoyment is certainly the foreplay, but to add bang to that lustful buck is the eventual penetration. It's the encore, the big bang all that foreplay is building up to. And once it happens, it's like all the stresses of the day are forgotten. It's carnal passion culminating into this one huge release. That's why I could never use sex as a bargaining tool against my man. I like it way too much. And what a great way to end the day. Damn straight.

Maureen (Writer, Bodybuilder) — Absolutely not. The range of erotic pleasures is so vast, why should penetration always be the goal? Besides, I don’t experience vaginal orgasms so penetration isn't an absolute physical necessity for me. I enjoy it for reasons of intimacy. That’s not to say that I don’t derive pleasure from thrusting, heaving, and heavy thrashing, because I do, but it just doesn’t get me off. Maybe I just haven’t met the man with the magic dick yet.

A Newbie to Nookie

Karma — Best advice I could give in this situation is to fuck often, fuck a diverse group of women and then fuck some more. Or if your set of morals prohibits this, find that one true love of your life, marry her, then spend eternity finding ways to please her. Either way, the only thing to keep in mind is to read the cues your chick is giving. Some make it obvious what they want, others don't.

Personally, I wouldn't waste my time with one that didn't make it obvious. If she doesn't know how she likes being kissed, touched or fucked, or she's too damn shy to tell you, how the hell are you going to know?! Don't fall for the bullshit of a chick requiring you to be psychic and intuitively know all this crap about her. Make her tell you, just as you're telling her how to kiss, suck, and fuck you.

As far as knowing when a woman is coming? Good God, if only there was a way! Way too many fake orgasms, and unless you're levelheaded enough to stop and feel the rhythmic eighth-of-a-second contractions of her pussy, you’re not going to know. Screaming, writhing, calling out names, thrashing about, the holding of breath, all the so-called signs of an orgasm are too easily faked. Again, this is where you both have to be somewhat adult about the matter and talk about what it takes to make each of you come.

Also, don't expect to make all women come. Some don't. And it's got nothing to do with you. Most likely, she's got some mental hang-ups about sex and that's stalling her, or she needs a particular thing. It's her responsibility to fill you in on what that thing is. Some chicks must be eaten out in order to come, but then some can't come with oral sex alone. Some must have anal to come. Others would die if you even brought up the concept of anal. Again, we're back to taking each chick as an individual and treating her as such.

Katie — Two words: slow down. A frequent mistake made by even experienced men is to try to overwhelm us with their prowess. Everyone does "it" a little bit differently, be it kissing, touching, whatever. Even people who are experienced and consider themselves good lovers should take the time to learn the rhythm of their partner.

If you start out slowly and gently, you'll learn how the woman you're with likes to be kissed and touched by the way she's kissing and touching you. Don't start by sticking your hand up her skirt. Kiss her on the face, on the mouth, the ear. Slide your hands over the top of her clothing before you go in. When you get your hands on bare skin, please be gentle, especially on nipples and clitorises. It's way better to rub her clit so gently she can just feel it and has to beg for "harder" than it is to mash it down and have her wince or shout in pain.

When it comes to orgasm, many women need consistent sensation in order to come, so when you find a spot and rhythm she likes, stick with it. There's no cut-and-dry method to knowing when a woman comes. Some of us groan, scream, pant, hold our breath, hit, kick, or have any number of violent reactions. I’ve heard there are women out there who are silent and don't give many physical clues.

Generally, if a woman goes from extremely tense to completely slack, she's hit it, even if she didn't make any noise. Lots of women will probably tell you when they've come. At the end of the day, if you're not sure, just don't stop… please don't stop!

Michelle — Want to make a girl happy? Pay attention! Real women don’t talk like porn stars (okay, maybe we do, but generally not right off the bat). If you’re kissing and she's rubbing up against you, you can probably take that as a sign that you can let your hands wander a bit. If you start to put your hand up her shirt (or elsewhere) and she shifts away from you, then take the hint without making her shoot you down. Listen for moans, gasps and fast breathing; you’ll know you’re on the right track. You won’t fumble if you follow her lead.

As for knowing when a woman is coming, well, I’ve only experienced one woman in person, and that would be me. If you were with me you’d notice short, heavy breathing, tense muscles, flushed skin, a light sheen of sweat and death threats for stopping whatever it is you’re doing. I also tend to get rather vocal at the moment of climax, so you probably won’t miss it, of course, neither will the neighbors!

Patricia — Please the ladies? The best thing an older lady of experience can do for the young studs is to just be comfortable with her body. A woman who's comfortable with her body is undeniably sexy.

With that in mind, I'd be comfortable with myself, with him. I’d hate having to say, "Do this, no, do that." I'd rather use my body as a guide and allow him the idea that he's this animalistic stud in bed. Oh sure, the first time is bound to be a bit awkward. But that's part of the fun, eh? Sex should be this fervent, libidinous discovery between two bodies.

As for orgasm? Women show it in a variety of ways, be it screaming, calling out the guy's name, or yelling "Godammit, time for a BEER!" Okay, maybe not that, but you get the picture. When a woman is in the midst of the beginnings of an intense orgasm, the dude will know. You can't hold a woman back when she's rip roarin' ready.

Maureen — The other ladies have given you excellent advice, but the most important thing you need to be a good lover is to be in touch with yourself. No, I don’t mean you have to be a snag, but you do need to be in touch with your body. The fact you're working out is great. Just as important is to play with yourself a lot, which I imagine you’re doing already. Learn about your own sexuality first by taking matters into your own hands.

Also, by learning what pleases yourself, you can tell the ladies. That will open up the lines of communication so that women who are shy or reluctant to let you know what they like (or don’t even know themselves) might feel more comfortable. I say "might" because there are some women who just don’t enjoy sex for reasons that are psychological or because of sexual dysfunction. If you do meet a woman like this I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do.

How to tell when a woman is coming is a tough question to answer. From my own experience, I can tell you my orgasms range in intensity all the way from very mild and quiet to extremely intense and noisy. Sometimes I’ll come and the gentleman won’t even know. Conversely, if experiencing an orgasm of the extremely intense variety I’ll crush his head so tight with my thighs he’ll suffer a concussion. Just kidding. I’ve never sent a man to the emergency room, yet.

It's Better to Give than Receive, Right?

Karma — One of the most important things a guy needs to be sexually compatible with me is to have an open mind and a sense of sexual adventure. If he were to refuse to perform an act on or with me, that would be the hugest turn-off ever!

Being hesitant, shy or inexperienced is one thing, refusal is another beast entirely. Refusal would be a deal breaker. Buh-bye. Don't even bother making me that ham sandwich on your way out. Just get the fuck out.

If he didn't relish it but did it once every blue moon (which is about as often as I want it) without making a scene over it, that'd be fine. Since oral isn't a high priority for me, a guy's skill level wouldn't matter much. I'd tell him what I like and go from there. Now, if he was super-duper into giving oral, I'd have no issue letting him slurp around to his heart's content provided he understood that's not typically how I come. So, of course he'd have to fuck me rotten afterward!

Katie — Yes, because there's a lot more to a good relationship than a guy's ability to lick my clit. Not everyone loves to do it, and I'd hate to force a guy to do something he wasn't into. Some women don't like to give head, and it's very bad form (even abusive?) to push them into it. I think the same holds true for guys.

Michelle — Sure I would. But there's usually a reason someone doesn’t like oral, and I’d try to get to the bottom of it. Case in point, someone I dated described his last girlfriend as smelling like warm trash. So, I could certainly understand his reluctance. Once he realized I actually understood feminine hygiene there was no problem. In any case, if he flatly refused oral but took care of me in other ways we’d be fine.

Patricia — I'd dump him. Seriously, if he isn't comfortable with the act or just plain finds it "gross," what makes him think I'd be comfortable spending my intimate moments with him? My body; my entire body is me. You take all of it or you can leave it.

Maureen — I think I’ve met only one man who didn’t like performing oral sex. If ever I do meet another one, I’d try to find out why he didn’t like it. If it was just a question of hygiene, lack of hygiene is certainly not my problem.

If his skills were lacking and he was willing to improve, we could work on that. However, if he had hang-ups of one kind or another, that’s another story. A man with sexual hang-ups (or even a nanolitre of prudishness coursing through his veins) would last about as long with me as Denise Austin in a squat cage.

Flat-out refusal would be a big problem, too. I need cunnilingus in order to experience the most powerful orgasms possible. Besides, oral lovin' is an art unto itself and should be practiced as much as possible, by both sexes. All in all, I think I’d have to go with dumping him if cunnilingus still wasn’t happening after working through all of the possible reasons why.

Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady

Karma — Yup, I have multiples. Not every time, though. There are variations of multiples for me, too. Sometimes they roll: the second builds before the first dies out, third builds before the second dies, etc. Those are exhausting! Wonderful, but exhausting. The most I've gotten rolling is seven, and after that I'm so cashed I can't move for a good couple of hours.

Sometimes they stack: there's a brief pause between them, not enough that they seem to be completely separate orgasms, but they're not rolling. Usually, if my orgasms are stacked I hit around four. The third way I experience multiples is completely separated out. Usually I'll get one or two while I'm on top, then flip over and have another on my back, then flip again and get a third or fourth from behind.

If a chick wants multiples — and I can't think of a reason why everyone couldn't achieve them — she's got to get her head on straight. No inhibitions, no self-esteem issues, no thinking of the kids, parents, school, or work. She's got to be able to let go and experience all the sensations her body is giving her.

As a guy, about the only thing you can do is whatever it takes to get her into that level of being in tune with her body. If she's got hang-ups, compliment her so she gets over them. If it's the kids or outside stresses, do whatever you can to eliminate those. (I don't mean eliminate the kids, just have grandma keep them overnight!)

Katie — It's easiest for me to have multiple orgasms when using my vibrator. I think it has to do with the perfectly consistent pressure and motion. Encourage your woman to try using one herself. If you want to try to do it yourself, keep at it once she's come the first time. If you're licking her clit, don't stop, and keep doing it the same way. The same is true if you're using your hand or another implement. Regardless of how she comes, don't stop once she's come the first time. Keep going. She'll either come again or scream at you to stop. If she screams at you, don't stop. If she tries to get away, don't stop. If she smacks you, she's probably had enough.

Michelle — Yup. Make that multiple multiple. To get me there, my partner has to go hard, then back off a bit, then go hard, then back off. I need a small break in between or I get way oversensitive. Speaking of that, I actually can’t have multiples when going solo, even with a vibrator.

Patricia — You know, sex to me isn't the multiple orgasm, or even the one orgasm. It's the action, the mutual rollin', movin' and groovin' of two bodies. That's just what rocks my world.

I'll have an orgasm when I do. If I don't, and trust me, the last several years this hasn’t happened, then I don't.

As for what gets me there? Don't rush it. Don't worry about the Big O. Once the man gets overly concerned about whether or not his lady is gonna have an orgasm or not, then things get bad. He begins to feel rushed and stressed. He forgets that this woman is in bed with him and is nekkid with him. He misses the point. Just have the goddamn sex.

And remember: women have more than one erogenous zone and are more than breasts and vagina, so spice it up. The neck is good. So are ears. Be freakin' daring. Use the mouth and tongue for tantalizing bodily explorations besides kissing. That'll curl her toes and make her cry out in wanton abandonment.

Maureen — I’m definitely multi-orgasmic. I'd have to say that’s the best part about being a woman. I wouldn’t give up multiples to have a chance to feel Testosterone thundering through my veins for even one minute.

What gets me there? Any non-penetrational method does the trick. Manual stimulation or oral combined with manual stimulation does it. A vibrator does it. How many I can have depends on the intensity. I’ve had as many as 40 or 50 low-intensity orgasms with a vibrator on my clitty only. However, once G-spot stimulation comes into play too, the orgasms become much more intense and I have fewer. And if I have one super-intense orgasm I’m pretty much done.

If your lady would like to experience multiple orgasms, experiment as to what works best. And be patient. Overall, I'd say if she’s just had an orgasm by whatever method, keep going. You might have to ease off on the intensity a bit for a short while. But, once the major throes of the orgasm are over, increase the intensity once again. Experiment, experiment, experiment. If that still doesn’t yield results, get her a vibrator. In my experience, it’s impossible not to have multiples with a vibrator.

Pretty Peckers

Karma — I'm a very, very visual person. I get wet looking at hard bodies, porn, myself, etc. And while I can't look at just a close-up of a cock and get excited, if it's attached to a stunning physique, I'm sittin' in a puddle. And just like boobs, there are very few truly ugly dicks out there, but some definitely look better than others.

I’m not a size queen but I definitely like an average to slightly-larger-than-average cock. And in case anyone was wondering, yes, there is such a thing as being too big. I don't place preference on girth over length, they're about the same in level of importance. However, being a bit longer than average makes up for being a bit thinner than average and visa versa. Curve is unimportant one way or the other provided you don't have difficulty getting it in.

I definitely prefer a cut man. The one experience I had with an uncut man was very disappointing. I suppose I might be open to being persuaded otherwise though!

There's one factor that's a deal breaker for me regarding the dick itself. It must be rock hard. A dick at half or three-quarters mast prior to fucking is as useless as...well, I can't think of anything quite as useless as that. Now if a guy's had his "O" or two already, I've had my handful and he goes to half mast, I can still usually squeeze another orgasm out just by grinding on him. That's okay, no shame in that.

Katie — I've never met a cock I didn't like. They generally all look pretty good to me. I'd be turned off, however, by scabs, pimples, STDs, or excessive piercing. Sizes and shapes each have their own advantages. A guy with a curved dick is going to hit you in different places than a guy with a straight one. And a guy with a small dick is more likely to have developed his oral/manual skills than a guy with a large dick, not to say that a large dick isn't a happy thing.

I don't prefer cut or uncut, both are good, although cut tends to be more sensitive and uncut gives you more to play with. To get back to size, as I said before, a sailboat in a storm is way better than a barge that never leaves the dock.

Michelle — On a scale from one to ten, size — 6, shape — 5, appearance — 5, cleanliness — 15. I’ve been with a guy who was so big I literally couldn’t walk comfortably for three days after. But he wasn’t any good. The adage that there's no such thing as bad sex is true, but this was about as close to bad as you could get. Shape and appearance aren't a big deal, as long as it isn’t deformed it’s all good. But if you drop your trousers and anything more than a day's sweat is there, the fun is over.

Cut or uncut goes with appearance for me. It’s just not a big deal. Being from the US, uncut is a novelty though. I also like the look and feel of piercings, though my experience there is limited. The Prince Albert I spent some time with was quite fun!

Patricia — Uh, maybe it's the "shy, demure" Chinese in me, but I've never really looked. So, I'm assuming that I've only experienced cut. I can only imagine how stupid it'd be if it got hot and steamy and all of a sudden, I said, "Whoa dude, let me take a look at that wanker first."

As for size, shape and appearance? It's true that size, shape and appearance don’t matter; it's how you rock my boat that matters.

Maureen — As long as it’s not abnormally small, size isn't the be all and end all. I haven’t seen too many that were uncut, so I'd have to say I prefer cut. However, I wouldn’t refuse a gentlemen if he wasn’t. What I do like though is rock hard. A penis that can’t achieve a ten on the Mohs scale is no fun at all. Ultimately, for me, the most important thing about a cock is the man to whom it’s attached. So, if I was serious about a gentleman and he had a hardness problem, I'd look for a solution.

Balling Beautiful Boys

Karma — Guys know we chicks love a man who looks good, smells good, knows something about how to dress himself, is intelligent enough to converse on many subjects and knows his own mind. But we can't stand pussies. It's possible to be all of the above and not be a pussy but it's hard to put into words what the real difference is.

What do I like? I love a manly man. I love the cockiness, confidence, boisterousness, manly sense of humor, ambition and determination that manly men have. But manly men have inherent flaws. They tend to see things in black and white, instead of shades of gray. They tend not to be overly affectionate and in touch with their emotions. What they are in touch with requires pulling their teeth to get them to articulate. They tend to be stuck in traditional gender roles, and these are things I can't abide.

So what man is there who I'd want? A manly man with shades of metrosexuality, a Sue. Anyone ever see that scene from Swingers where Mikey tells Rob he has to meet his friend, Sue. "Yeah, that's Sue. He's a really cool guy. There's this one time, he had this guy, had his face down in the gutter and was just smashing his head into the curb. He had blood all over his teeth and he just keeps fucking smashing and smashing. But yeah, he's a real cool guy, you'd like him."

A Sue is similar to a friend of mine who has all the metrosexual characteristics. He dresses like he popped off a GQ page, wears only designer clothes, and drops $50 for a haircut in a salon every three weeks like clockwork. He knows every line of every movie ever made along with the producer, director, gaffer, best boy and lighting grip. He works out, uses SPF and Clinique moisturizers and could easily double as a younger, hotter Richard Gere or George Clooney.

He sounds as gay as a parade if you list out these things, but he's a fucking Sue. He'll have a quiet, cultured conversation about societal influences on the role of women in Rwanda one minute and tear a dude's head off and bathe in his hot, salty blood the next for insulting his woman. He's a poonhound of the finest degree and has had more (and better) ass than the toilets at the Playboy mansion.

So fuck this metrosexual thing, and give me a Sue: an intelligent, manly, articulate, well-groomed (read: trims and shaves appropriately), vicious when crossed, affectionate, badass, open-minded and sexy as hell man!

Katie — I first heard the word metrosexual in June of this year when I read an article discussing a new marketing slant aimed towards men in The New York Times. Actually, I really didn’t think much about it since I don't spend a lot of time mulling over how corporations are trying to sell things to people besides me.

I wouldn't call the metrosexual a breed, and I certainly wouldn't call him new. Men who take more than the stereotypical cavalier attitude towards their appearance have existed as long as there has been a bourgeois class. Check out 18th century European aristocracy, 19th century American plantation owners, and 20th century movie stars, such as Clark Gable (Rhett Butler) and John Malkovich (Vicomte de Valmonte). Brush up on your American cinema, guys, it's a great way to impress women.

I'm opposed to slamming any man who may be labeled as a metrosexual (financially secure and obsessed with his appearance) by calling into question his sexuality. The marketing executive doesn't give a shit about sexual orientation, only about what kind of shampoo the guy wants to use for each day of the week. And some of the best examples of men I can think of who fit this corporate-created image of the metrosexual, such as David Beckham, are about as manly as you can get. I'm pretty sure being the captain of England's soccer team and being married to Posh Spice is where any manly man would want to be.

Michelle — The new breed of male is fine with me, though I don't really consider him new. I think men no longer have to fit into the traditional manly mold they have been stuck in for ages. Wives can out-earn their husbands, and men can stay home and raise the kids. A man can do laundry while his wife puts up a garage door opener.

The gender roles that have been defined for eons are blurring. I have no problem with that. This morning I played 18 holes of golf from the men's tee, because that's where the other three people I was with were playing. Why should I get a free 20 yards because I have boobs?

The whole routine about men getting in touch with their feminine side is a crock. There's nothing unmanly about wanting to have a secure, stable relationship in which to grow old. There's also nothing unmanly about knowing that navy blue pants and a black shirt don’t go together. And finally, there's nothing unmanly about wanting to have happy and healthy children.

According to one article, "The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis, because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are." So, here we have men who want to look good, work out and enjoy going out. What's the problem?

I think women like the idea of a man who can dress himself, knows when he needs a haircut and who can shop without supervision. There's nothing unmasculine about a man shopping for designer clothes, just as there's nothing unfeminine about my shopping for a new blowtorch to replumb my bathroom.

Patricia — Metrosexual... why do I think of perverted commuter trains when I hear this term? If a guy has less calluses on his hands than I, I worry. I like a guy who doesn't mind getting all rough and tumbled. If a man has calluses on his hands it means he can use them!

Yes, it's nice to have a man who takes care of himself, who showers, shampoos and knows how to apply deodorant. But if he takes longer than I do in the shower and in getting prepped for dinner? That's weird. Hell, it takes me no longer than 30 minutes to get ready, and that’s due to my drinking beer as I'm primping. I just see most of the guys labeled in this category as guys I could easily crush in bed. And that’s no fun.

Maureen — Men who pay exaggerated attention to their appearance are nothing new. In 18th and 19th century England they were known as dandies. Beau Brummel and Oscar Wilde are two of the most famous of this breed.

It seems now the dandy is being resurrected as the metrosexual. I wonder to what extent the metrosexual is actually being created by marketing hype. And I worry that men are falling prey to that hype just like women have fallen prey to all the marketing bullshit the fashion and beauty industries have been laying on us for a long time now. Will men soon be paying $25 for Chap Stick type products just like some women pay $25 for a lipstick? Will men soon be scrutinizing their bodies like women do to see if they match up to whatever "ideal" is set out for them and hating themselves because they don’t measure up? I hope not.

Certainly I like a man who knows how to dress, groom and trim himself, doesn’t commit the fashion faux pas of wearing socks with sandals, and is well read and able to discuss a wide range of topics in an intelligent manner. But if it takes him longer to get ready than me? Uh uh. And antiquing and shopping for dust ruffles? I dunno. I don’t even like dust ruffles myself. If a man told me he wanted to go shopping for such things I’d be worried.

I’m not saying I like a brute, because brutishness won’t do either. What I like is a man with that rare combination of aggressiveness and sensitivity. By sensitivity I don’t mean he cries when watching one of those insipid chick flicks, but I do like a man who’s in tune enough to be able to lend me some emotional support during those rare times I feel discouraged.

When all is said and done, however, I don’t think I'd be comfortable with a man who said things to me like "Toodles hon, I’m off to my rebirthing class and then I’m going for a pedicure."

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