Bruce Nadler has seen more boobs than you.

No, really.

While he used to favor sticking body parts with knives, this plastic surgeon turned trainer now opts to build aesthetically pleasing physiques through exercise and proper diet with his principles outlined in his new book, The Nip Tuck Workout.

Bruce went under the knife with Nate Green to talk about plastic surgery, his transition, and dead nipples. Aren't you lucky?

Nate Green: Being a plastic surgeon turned personal trainer, you've utilized both the scalpel and the dumbbell to help shape the bodies of your clients — which is more rewarding? Why the change of profession? Where do you think you have the opportunity to make a more effective impact?

Bruce Nadler:

NG: Wait, were you selling them to your clients?

BN:

NG: So that's what led you to the personal training side of things?

BN:

NG: Who could forget the darling little snot-nosed bastards! All right, knowing both sides of the coin, do you think people should think about plastic surgery before or after trying to utilize exercise and healthy eating?

BN:

NG: I only get invited to TC's house every second Wednesday to rearrange his sock drawer by color and thread count...

Anyhow, I've heard of guys actually getting chest, calf, glute, triceps, and biceps implants. I think they're a bunch of lazy bastards who need a brain implant and a swift kick in the nuts. What are your thoughts? Are most of them getting the implants before or after the exercise 'phase'?

BN:

NG: Your book, The Nip Tuck Workout, compares your exercise prescription to a balanced 5-star meal complete with an after-dinner mint. It also has a very hot girl wearing Ugg boots on the cover (just an observation). Going along with the whole meal theme, what's the worst, uh, dessert (mishap) you've ever seen in the gym and under the knife? I'm talkin' straight-up somebody urinated in the chocolate mousse type of trauma.

BN:

NG: Next time you're setting up a photo shoot with a hot girl, let me know. I'm very good at erecting... lights. Gotta have good lighting, you know.

BN:

NG: Nothing worse than a dead nipple, I always say. All right, Bruce. Here's the scoop. I'm a whiny little bitch of a boy with no real plan of attack (shut up, guys). I want to utilize both weights and plastic surgery to get my ideal, aesthetically pleasing body. What am I doing in the gym and what am I getting done afterwards? Make the girls love me, Bruce...

NG: I'm already irresistible, man. I just want to irresistible to girls and not random wildlife...

BN:

NG: Sounds good. What else?

BN:

NG: Not a problem with me, my friend. I eat Low-Carb Metabolic Drive with a spoon.

BN:

NG: Girls like me for mybrain, Bruce, but I'll consider that other stuff. Thanks for taking the time for the interview! Where can we learn more about you?