Training your ass does not make you gay. However, if you are gay, what better way to shape your money maker than to train the mother? Seriously, the glutes play a larger role in sports performance than just keeping your jock from falling down. As part of your posterior chain of muscles, properly trained glutes can help you jump higher and sprint faster.

There, now you straights have a reason to work your asses, too. We won't tell anybody the real reason is because you want women to stare at it and give you a perfect 10 on the "trusting potential" scale. (They do that you know, the sneaky vixens.)

Lunges have always been a great ass builder. There are two basic types of lunges: static and dynamic. With the static lunge, you step forward and then lower your body down and then back up. The forward foot remains in place during the set. Then you switch legs and keep the other foot forward for another set.

A dynamic lunge is where you use your forward foot to shoot yourself back in the starting position where your feet are side by side. You can alternate legs or you can step forward with the same foot every time. We've combined both types of lunge to give you a great program designed to build a purdy and powerful butt.

Great Ass Lunges

Total beginners may want to start by using dumbbells held down at the sides, but we think a barbell across the shoulders is more effective. Also note that this type of movement requires a little balance, so you might want to do it early in your workout before you get too fatigued. And although we're focusing on your "portable walnut cracker" here, you'll want to do these on leg day, as your quads and hams will get a good workout, too. Lastly, you'll have to use one of those walk-in squat racks for this, or just perform the movement outside of a regular cage-style rack.

After a good warm-up and stretch, place a loaded barbell across your back as if you were about to do squats.

If you perform this movement correctly, your ass should be so sore the next day that you'll have to ask your wife, girlfriend, or maybe even both, to massage it for you. But you'll like the results in the end.

Get it? In the end. Nevermind, just try it out the next time you train legs.