Hello, T-Nation peckerheads! I'm the Critic. My job in this new article series is to call out various T-Nation contributors and put them on the firing line.

I'm the devil's advocate, the devious detractor, and the bitchy belittler... ; you know, just like you guys who make venomous posts all night on the forums because you're pissed off that you can't pull women and have nothing better to do on Friday night. Only I'm getting paid for it. Suckers.

In this installment, my target is Chad "Goldilocks" Waterbury.

The Critic: Okay, pretty boy, total body training vs. split routines: You say that full body weight training sessions are far superior. Unfortunately for you, not a single pro-bodybuilder or figure competitor uses them! Gee, if total body training was so good, you'd think people who make a living off their bodies would use it! What do you say to that, Prince Valiant?

Chad Waterbury:

The Critic: Blah, blah, blah... ; Have you ever even trained a competitive bodybuilder or fitness competitor, or is all this some silly theory you came up with to sell books?

Waterbury:

The Critic: You're always harping about training frequently, more than twice per week per muscle group, sometimes four to five times per week! This sounds like "do the opposite" marketing to me. Since the Weider mags and most real bodybuilders hit muscle groups only once every five days or so, you come out with the opposite and throw a lot of scientific jargon around. How convenient.

Waterbury:

The Critic: Two years of continuous training? Some T-Nation readers are too busy typing and arguing! Who has time to actually lift?

Next topic. You say never to train to failure. Too bad everyone who actually looks like they lift weights does this very thing! Training to failure works. To stop short of failure is just to wimp out!

Waterbury:

The Critic: Whatever. A lot of your programs also involve multiple low-rep sets. But everyone knows that you need 8-12 reps to be in the hypertrophy zone. Duh. You'd think a "professional" like you would figure that out!

Waterbury:

The Critic: What are your stats anyway? Do you even work out or are you one of those "all mouth, no muscle" types?

Waterbury:

The Critic: Looks to me like you're jacked up on steroids. Fess up.

Waterbury:

The Critic: Speaking of stress, what was up with that bimbo training article of yours? You're just trying to piss people off, aren't you?

Waterbury:

The Critic: That's probably true. You still need a haircut though, punk. Thanks for talking to the Critic today, Chad. It's been your privilege.