Tip: Your Detox Is Dumb

There a lot of things to worry about when it comes to your health. Needing to detox isn't one of them. Here's why.

"I need a good detox."

No, you really don't. The only people who truly need to detox are those who breakfast on alcohol, benzodiazepines, opioids, cocaine, methamphetamines, ketamine, or bath salts, and perhaps those that use the swimmin' hole next to the factory that bleeds lead, mercury, hexavalent chromium, radionuclides, and arsenic.

Conversely, accidentally eating some non-organic beets doesn't require de-toxification or cleansing, especially through the use of some funky herbs that were grown under some artisanal granola maker's porch.

Consider that in 2009, ten companies that manufactured detox products couldn't name a single toxin that their products were supposed to target. That should tell you something, which is that morons make the world go round.

Besides, you already have an excellent "detox" system in place, courtesy of your liver, kidneys, lungs, and other organs. They do quite well in ridding your body of the byproducts of metabolism. Undertaking a special diet to Drano out your miserable intestines is stupid and will likely weaken your body, ironically leaving your organs unable to do their true detoxification work.