Tip: The "Healthy" Practice That Makes You Pudgy

It doesn't make you lean and it really isn't all that healthy. Oh, and it certainly doesn't detoxify anything.

The Unhealthy Health Fad

I can't stand it. Everywhere, pasty-faced women with rolls of insulin-resistant fat around their waists are standing in line at Jamba Juice, Juice Jamboree, or Juice Caboose, all prattling on about how when their juice fasts are over, their livers will be detoxified and virginal, their pudgy bodies will suddenly be Wonder Woman lean, and Adele songs will start to magically play from the iCloud heavens every time they enter a room.

I want to gather them all up and entomb them and their complicit, dour-looking boyfriends in discarded mango pulp.

Listen, juicing doesn't detoxify squat, it doesn't make you lean, and it's not really all that healthy.

The Detoxification Myth

Somehow, people with no more knowledge of science and nutrition than a river trout started believing that your body needs to be de-toxified, and juicing is how you do it. It's a nice notion, but there's absolutely no evidence to support that. Besides, your liver and kidneys are beautifully engineered to do just that all on their own, thank you.

The Health Myth

These melonheads think that juicing allows the body to absorb nutrients better. They think that all that unprocessed fiber in whole foods impairs the digestion process. This is probably why a good number of these women and men haven't pooped since the last quarter moon.

Human types evolved processing fiber and did so very well before John Oster invented the fruit and vegetable pulverizing Osterizer. This is why we have bacteria in our guts. Besides, fiber is essential to health and, as implied, poopiness.

The "Juicing Makes You Lean" Myth

Fruits and vegetables are comparatively low in calories, right? So what's the difference whether you eat them whole or drink them down?

Well, there's a big difference. You might eat a single orange, apple, or mango in one sitting, but would you eat four, five, or more? That's what happens when you drink juice (each piece of average, succulent fruit gives up about a one-fourth of a cup of juice).

Secondly, all the fiber's been pulverized by the blades of a juicer. That means that there's nothing to slow down absorption. Blood sugar rises rapidly, as does insulin. Insulin inhibits the breakdown of fats. Furthermore, do this juicing thing often enough and your body gradually becomes insulin resistant, which is the first step towards Type II diabetes.

Lastly, the definition of good nutrition includes protein and fat, too, not just ground-up fruit and vegetable carbs.


  • If your diet is substandard, perhaps drink the occasional juice to punch your nutritional fruit and vegetable ticket. Better to eat them whole, though.
  • If possible, have the ju-rista add a scoop or two of protein to the juice to slow down absorption and make the finished product a bit closer to a nutritionally acceptable meal.
  • Don't juice-cleanse. Ever. It's flat-out ridiculous.