Brutal Trisets for Sluggish Muscle Groups

With all the months you've spent on isolation training, you're becoming a nonfunctional mound of size that can't even wipe your own ass.

So, you decide the time's come to change it up again and focus a bit more on fat loss and a bit less on sheer size and strength.

For most people, that usually means moving away from the body part split routine and towards some variation of total body (or multi-muscle group) training.

Time after time, the issue is that when focusing on more than one muscle group per workout, your muscles' conditioning and strength endurance may increase, but the size of the muscle will decrease due to less attention to each given muscle. Granted, some of this is expected, as there are more calories burned, more water lost, and most likely fewer calories consumed.

But, is there any way to prevent this "pump deficit?"

One option is to go old school with killer total body workout systems like 5x5 and other max strength ventures. This is great, but after a couple of weeks, your neurotransmitters will revolt faster than Oprah on the Bernstein diet.

Which means it's time to reintroduce our old friend, the triset.

Lots of people use trisets in their isolation workouts as a good addition to their bulking program. That's great. But here I'm going to splice it into total body training for some already tough-to-grow muscle groups that may need the added volume to maintain their size so all that hard work wasn't for naught.

And, note that it's one thing to just throw together three tough exercises for one muscle group and call it a triset. It's quite another to have a real scientific basis for the exercise selections and the order of the lifts.

Without further adieu, the meat and potatoes...

Lazy Muscle Group Triset 1: Hamstrings

The hamstrings play an important role in hip extension and complete the overall shape and girth of the upper leg. They play a dual role, though, as they're also knee flexors. You know all that, but you also know they can be a hardgainer's worst nightmare when not approached correctly, leaving them (you?) with a poorly developed and embarrassing rear thigh.

Exercise 1: Prone Hamstring Curls — 6 Reps

"Leg curls? I thought this guy was serious..."

Before you saturate my mailbox with hate, understand their purpose.

Remember that the hamstrings have an extremely high percentage of fast-twitch muscle fibers that are waiting to get exploited for all they're worth. Despite being a knee flexion exercise, prone curls are a great way to tap into a high percentage of the hams' high threshold units, especially if the reps are kept very low and the weight is kept very high.

Many strength coaches, including training guru Charles Poliquin, advocate using less than eight reps of the curl for this reason. I also maintain that such a heavy, low-rep set to start out will do well to ramp up the nervous system and potentiate maximal fiber recruitment for the two exercises that follow.

Remember to use a 20X0 tempo. That means lower the weight for two seconds and explode with good technique up to the top.

Go to exercise 2 without taking more than 10 to 15 seconds (in fact, this applies to all the exercises I've listed in this article).

Exercise 2: Romanian Deadlift — 15 Reps

It's fitting to follow the hamstring curls up with something that can also work on hamstring velocity and have the benefit of training it from a different fulcrum, namely the hip joint.

Since we've primed the fast-twitch muscle fibers through the heavy curls, we can get a high percentage of them active in this exercise. And better yet, it's a large movement.

Since the reps are high in this exercise, use a tempo of 10X0 to decrease the time spent under tension per rep. This will increase the work capacity and amount of reps completed before ATP is depleted.

Exercise 3: Eccentric Glute Ham Raise — 8 Reps

At this point you'll have taken the hams to a considerable amount of concentric fatigue, so there's nothing more fitting than to tap into the negative strength they possess so much of. Not only will it complete the triset, but it'll also help make your hamstrings bulletproof when it comes to injury susceptibility.

I'm a big fan of this exercise, as you've probably noted before. Along with the reasons listed above, it's also an exercise that doesn't fib as far as the hamstrings' strength is concerned. There's no opportunity for muscles to inhibit the hamstrings' activity when done correctly, and it's challenging enough with bodyweight alone.

Soon enough your indestructible hamstrings' size will be maintained through your cutting phase, and you'll need custom fit jeans in no time.

Lazy Muscle Group Triset 2: Lats

Many people mistake having a V-shaped back to indicate the quality of their lat development, when really, the lats are only one of the contributors to such a shape.

With my clients, I notice case after case of below average lat development, coupled with much more development towards the teres and serratus to create width towards the shoulder level. This lack of balance usually comes as a product of poor technique in lat-specific exercises, so it's a good idea to choose exercises that'll target the lats more exclusively from all angles.

We have to remember that the lats attach on the humerus and go right down to the lumbar spine. That being said, there's a huge percentage of most people's lower lats that go untouched.

Exercise 1: Wide-Grip Pull-Ups to Mechanical Failure

The pull-up, being such a large movement, fits in the first place of the triset since it's the most demanding of the three on grip strength and total body energy expenditure.

"Mechanical failure" refers to the point where correct technique can't be used to complete further reps, and other muscles begin to compensate for the movement to occur (this usually occurs coupled with a substantial decrease in rep speed). If you can do eight perfect pull-ups, but can push it to 14 with questionable technique, you're better off not trying to be a hero and sticking with eight.

Make sure to depress the shoulders fully before pulling, and push the chest towards the top in order to maximize lat activation through the lift. Tuck the elbows in under the bar at the top of the lift and avoid flaring them far behind the body.

Exercise 2: Decline Cable Pullovers — 12 Reps

By doing pullovers on a decline, you'll limit the amount of unnecessary activation the shoulders and pecs receive through this particular movement. Throw in a new force angle via a cable attachment and you've got one badass movement that shocks the hell out of the entire lat from bottom to top.

Don't go for too much weight, though, as it's a very technical lift. The constant tension on the lats will be challenging enough with low to moderate weight. Set the pulley up so that it's aligned with your thighs when you're in the starting position. Set your shoulders and pull the weight through with long arms. Don't change your elbow angle through the movement, and try to push your chest up to the ceiling as the movement progresses.

Note: The second of these three exercises was also placed between two major pulling exercises in order to give the grip strength a short rest so that the quality of exercises one and three would be high. 

Exercise 3: Modified Seated Rows — 12 Reps

A modified seated row involves much deeper mid and lower lat activation due to the forward lean of the torso.

Using an underhand grip, try to maintain your torso angle through the whole set without moving it. Like the decline cable pullovers, it won't take much weight to feel tons of stimulation for the lats. Just make sure that the back stays arched, and when setting the shoulders, they're also depressed to minimize upper trap involvement.

If this triset doesn't leave your lats feeling like they're about to bust out of the shirt you're wearing, you probably did it wrong. Because it will. Period.

Lazy Muscle Group Triset 3: Shoulders

Bowling ball delts are sought after by many, but acquired by few. It's an easy spot to lose the pump in if proper maintenance isn't a priority, especially during total body work.

Many trisets for the shoulders have one exercise that primarily utilizes each head of the deltoids, respectively (for example, dumbbell shoulder press to front raises to reverse flies). The problem is that this approach only exposes each muscle of the delts to about one-third of the total time spent under tension.

Why not hit a greater percentage of them all through three different movements? 

Exercise 1: Standing Barbell Shoulder Press — 10 Reps

What really needs to be said about this staple exercise? It's essentially shoulder development 101.

Overhead pressing movements are great for hitting multiple heads of the deltoids for concentric strength, and they exploit plenty of stability through the rotator cuff.

Choose a weight that you can do for ten reps. Just make sure you don't cheat! That's where exercise two comes in. 

Exercise 2: Barbell Push Press to Mechanical Failure

Put the weight from the shoulders presses down and pause for five to ten seconds for partial ATP restoration, then pick the same weight back up and perform barbell push presses.

Do as many reps as possible until mechanical failure occurs, which, in this exercise means, when there's a sticking point in the push press and the bar no longer goes up like a shot.

Exercise 3: Lateral Raise with Deltoid Isolation — 15 Reps

Many people will misuse this exercise by going through too large a range of motion, thus activating a great amount of upper trap musculature.

To isolate the mid and rear deltoid, start this exercise in a mildly bent over position. It's also important that you don't retract the shoulders and that you do flare the elbows out to ensure that the weight is being carried by the deltoid, and not supported by any other muscles or joints. Push the wrists downwards and use a false grip.

From there, pull the weight up and outwards by the elbows. The range of motion isn't large. It'll take some getting used to, as the movement pattern is irregular, but it'll lead to tremendous isolation, and I find it to be especially effective over high reps.

Soon you'll have a set of solid, PBA-quality shoulders wider than a 7-10 split.

Three Cheers for Size

And there it is, three kickass trisets to jump-start a few stubborn muscle groups.

If any of the above muscle groups have been giving you grief, try these on for size, and throw 'em into your total body routine. Or do what many do and utilize them in your bulking program, too. The amount of rounds and frequency per week is up to you and how they fit into your program.

Lee Boyce is a former university level sprinter and long jumper, and CPTN certified Elite Trainer in Toronto, Ontario. Boyce works with strength and conditioning clients for sport performance and rapid strength and power gains. You can contact him at lee@leeboycetraining.com.

Pull-Up Strength: The Missing Link

This isn't skinny twig fitness. We couldn't care less about the 120-pound and proud of it guy who can bust out dozens of pull-ups with no problem. But give us a guy with muscle who can't do more than a handful of pull-ups and, well, we start to get worried.

One of the most impressive displays of strength-to-bodyweight—not to mention one of the best ways to add muscle to your upper body—is the pull-up. (If you don't find it impressive, think about it for a minute: you're using your upper body to pull your entire body up your entire arm length. I mean, holy shit.)

Thing is, unless you're one of the guys who can jump up to the bar and bang out 12 good ones right now, it's safe to bet that one of the biggest muscles in your body is probably one of the weakest, too. And that's never a good thing.

It's time to fix that.

— Nate Green

Pick Your Poison

Do a pull-up every time you walk by the bar. Do 50 sets of one, 25 sets of two reps, or don't stop until you get 100 reps. Eccentric pull-ups or band-assisted. The list goes on.

For most guys, these methods don't work because none address the reason why your pull-up sucks. This article does.

Why Your Pull-up Sucks

Everyone knows that men, as a whole, are stronger than women. Men have more muscle, better strength-to-bodyweight ratio (most times), and more Testosterone. But looking closely at why women can't do certain things can give you insight into why men can't do things as well as they should be able to. (Insert inappropriate sexist joke here.)
 
Take an average in-shape woman (but not a star athlete), put her on the bar, and watch her try to do a pull-up from a dead hang. Often, she won't be able to move. Like, at all. Now if you help this same woman up through the first third of the exercise, she'll suddenly gain a tremendous amount of strength and often be able to perform a few reps on her own, as long as she doesn't drop down into a dead hang. 
 
How does this relate to a man? 

Most men suffer from the exact same lack of pull-up strength as women, the difference being most men have enough muscle mass to call upon—be it biceps, brachialis, brachioradialis, long head of the triceps, or teres major—that he will get up there. It'll just look ugly as shit. (You'll also notice most men avoiding dropping into a dead hang, because they know they're extremely weak there.)

Herein lies the problem of all the pull-up methods I listed earlier.

All the aforementioned muscles—like the biceps and teres major— are going to be strengthened doing 50 sets of one rep, or eccentric pull-ups, or whatever method you choose. But there's one muscle that not only won't be getting stronger. In fact, it'll be getting weaker because your body will be practicing not using it: the lats.

"But I Can Feel My Lats Working!"

Think what you like. But if you can't bang out one pull-up where your upper chest easily flies up and smashes into the bar while your shoulders stay down and back, your lats—especially your upper lats—aren't working nearly enough. And they probably aren't working at all initially. 

Liken it to chest training from a bodybuilding standpoint. As you press up out of the hole on a dumbbell press, you first feel your outer chest, and then the emphasis shifts as you press up further. 

Pulling exercises are the same. When you initiate a vertical pull, for instance, you're going to pull through the uppermost portion of the lat, which can be found in your armpit when your arm is overhead. And if you don't get your upper lat from the very beginning of the motion, you won't ever get it.
 
A major problem is that the uppermost portion of the lat is so weak that doing full pull-ups, band pull-ups, negatives, or even assisted pull-ups on the lightest setting is going to be way too heavy. It's like trying to build glute function by doing hip thrusts with 315 before you do hip thrusts with bodyweight. 

That's why I like lat pull-downs for activating and strengthening the upper lats. (But not the kind you're used to.) Yep, you read that right; I'm ditching pull-ups for a machine. But only for a while.

Over at the Pull-Down Machine

Most guys will go right to 170 pounds or something semi-heavy right away. (That's why most guys in my gym get beaten with the bar.) We just established that your lats are not working because your pull-ups suck. How is doing the same weight you've been doing going to fix anything? (Hint: it's not.)

You're gonna have to face facts. The muscle with the most potential to be the strongest muscle in your body—your lats—is extremely weak right now, especially the upper portion. That's why you have to go light enough that your lats can actually begin to work.
 
Admittedly, this method is a bit of a bitch; it takes concentration, discipline, and throwing your ego to the side for at least one month. But you'll come back to the bar much stronger and finally able to engage your lats.

The How To

The problem with the lat pull-down is that you have to concentrate very hard to get the lat to work from the start.
 
To do it, set up on the lat pull-down with a third of the weight you normally use. (If you're a 170-pound puller, you should start with roughly 60 pounds.) Grab the bar and let yourself dead hang while seated. Focus on squeezing your upper lat (it's in the armpit when your arms are overhead) before you do anything else.

Once you've squeezed the upper lat, pull your shoulders all the way down (without bending your elbow) and begin to pull the bar down using your lats. Go slow and do it smoothly. Make sure your forearm angle stays in line with the cable as the bar passes your chin, and pull the bar down to your collarbone.
 
The first few sets will be the worst, but by the fifth or sixth set you should really start to feel yourself pulling through the lat. I like doing eight reps since it's enough to get several cracks at the motion, but not so much that you're fatigued before you get to the next set.

A Few Specific Tips

• Be sure to use a weight light enough that your lat can work, but heavy enough that you feel it working. If you use a weight that's too light, your body will have a very hard time recruiting more muscle mass than it needs. If you go too heavy, you'll just engage all the wrong muscles.

• Remember that when your arms are overhead the upper lat will be in your armpit. (The lat basically wraps around to the front side of the body.) You want to focus on pulling from your armpit at the beginning of the movement to activate the upper lats.

The Transition

As each week of this first month goes by, you should feel yourself getting stronger and better able to perceive yourself pulling through your lats. If you're especially in tune with your body, you'll feel your lats thicken up, too.

By the end of the month, it's unlikely that you'll be completely ready to ditch pull-downs for pull-ups, but you should start incorporating some pull-ups into your workout. (You should still take one day of the week to continue to work on the lat pull-down. Think of it as lat activation.)

Start with one or two pull-ups at a time. The only caveat: they have to come smoothly and relatively effortlessly. That's how you know they're viable lat-developing pull-ups.

Over time you'll be able to get higher and higher with greater ease, and eventually be able to ditch the lat pull-downs and move into straight sets of pull-ups. You may even be able to transition into muscle ups, which require incredibly explosive lat strength. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Bottom line: get your lats engaged, do more pull-ups, and start building more muscle.

A former bench-riding Juco basketball player, Domenic Micheli now lives and works as a personal trainer in Nashville, TN and holds a BS in Exercise Physiology from Umass-Boston.

Sucker Punch: Dan John

If you stick it out in the fitness industry for a while, you're sure to meet a few of those innovative, dynamic gurus whose sole intent is to revolutionize the art and science of fitness and weight-training.

In the media, these self-professed experts always seem to talk a good game, especially when the subject turns to the brilliantly packaged gadget or book with the serious-sounding title they're pitching that day.

Online, the social networking sites and fitness forums are on fire with their self-promoting posts and viral videos, each promising to get you on the magic path to the body of your dreams...for a fee, of course.

On the other hand, survive long enough and you might also get to meet the polar opposite of that guru. If you're lucky, you might meet Dan John.

Dan John is not fancy. In fact, if he wasn't such an interesting, knowledgeable, likable guy, he'd be downright boring. Hell, he's practically Amish.

The things the new skool gurus consider to be vanilla and outdated, like basic heavy exercises, proper form, and sound nutrition, are the things he cherishes the most. The boring stuff that he didn't invent or trademark or try to parlay into a million dollars. The stuff that works.

Dan John has been coaching and teaching for roughly 30 years and is an accomplished thrower and Highland Games competitor who's racked up dozens of weight-lifting titles over the years. He's also a sought-after lecturer and teacher, due in no small part to his reputation as one of the "good guys" in an industry often known for pseudo-experts and self-promoting hucksterism.

We asked Dan John for thirty minutes of his time and he gave us an hour. But if you know Dan, that shouldn't surprise you.

TM: Dan, some people aren't athletes and don't compete. They just want to get bigger, stronger, and get more wayward glances from the gals at the local watering hole. What can they learn from the athletic performance field to help them reach their goals?

DJ: There's a lot that they can learn, but I'd have to say that the biggest thing would be timeliness.

TM: Timeliness? I was expecting an answer like squats and power cleans.

DJ: Exercise programming is obviously important as well, but those things all stem first and foremost from this concept of timeliness.

TM: Explain.

DJ: The problem with many folks only concerned with general fitness is that they don't face consequences for failing to hit their goals. If the average guy or gal outlines a few six-week goals with their trainer and they don't get there, oh well, too bad. Nothing happens.

But in the athletic performance field we're constantly being judged, and if we fail to rise to the challenge, it can be devastating. If I'm coaching a shot-putter for a meet in six weeks, if he's not ready and he's a high school senior, it's over. He'll never be a senior again. Even if he repeats due to academics, he's ineligible, so it's still over.

So one of the things you can learn from us in athletics is this concept of timeliness. We have cut off dates that we're forced to adhere to, and those are crucial to success. You know those people who say they need to look great for a cruise or anniversary or wedding date? Well, you can't keep pushing back a wedding day because you love chocolate. Really, that's a huge gift!

A big problem that a lot of general fitness trainees have is that they're like grass. Now, grass is wonderful; it bends and sways and never breaks. It can survive a tornado very well.

The oak tree on the other hand, doesn't do so well, because it looks at a tornado and says, 'Bring it!' Sometimes the oak tree survives and sometimes the tornado breaks it in half. Athletes are like oak tress. They don't bend. They either rise to the occasion or they break.

I think the personal trainers out there can learn a lot from athletes in this regard. Having a deadline that can't be pushed back is such a powerful motivator.

I personally love those program like "14 Days to Titanic Triceps" and "21 Days to Jaw Dropping Pecs." What I like about them is that there's a line in the sand. Whether the program works or not is a different story, but at least the deadline is there so you're becoming timely. That, first and foremost, is what the average trainee can learn from the athletes.

TM: So having a rigid, inflexible deadline and forcing you to step up and be accountable?

DJ: Exactly. If you have open-ended goals with no timeline, you'll never reach them. You need that deadline. Like I said, the deadline is really a gift.

TM: Picture this: Here's a guy who's been lifting for 7 or 8 years. He's made pretty good progress. He works hard. He's not a newb. But what is the average "intermediate" dude still missing? In other words, what do you see a lot of seemingly experienced people overlooking?

DJ: That's easy. It's three very important things.

The first thing is what we just talked about, the timelines. Set a deadline and stick to it. Or pick a task or a goal and stick to it. People seem so scared to push the envelope now, everything they do is the safe, easy medium. Let me tell you, I loathe medium. As Arnold used to say, you got to "stay hungry."

The second thing is to get outside. Now, that can mean a couple of different things: For some, it can mean outside their comfy, clean fitness center. Those of you who train at one of these suburban joints, if you're serious about training it's really worth your time to get out of that box. It doesn't have to be a formal thing; just try to find a more serious gym and expand yourself.

Ask around and find a hardcore powerlifting gym, or bodybuilding gym, or strongman training facility. Expand yourself. Push outside of your boundaries.

Outside can also mean, literally outside, as in outdoors. I tell people all the time to do farmer's walks and they always say that they can't do them in their fitness center. Well, of course you can't, you're supposed to do them outside, in the park, on the beach, on back trails.

I have a damn fine facility but I don't train in it, I train outside. This will do most trainees a world of good, and besides, all that Vitamin D is good for you anyway.

The third thing is to learn something. I really think this helps. I'm surprised so many people say that they're serious but don't go to workshops or continuing education courses. I've found that what's pushed me beyond my limitations as an athlete and coach was to be constantly learning.

For example, as a lifter I got exposed in Russian Kettle Certification 1, and I really got exposed in RKC 2. I've a tendency not to hold onto quality reps and these courses made me step back and realize that.

It doesn't have to be a fancy $10,000 seminar held in Abu Dhabi, either. Offer that big guy at the gym $50 to write a program for you. Guaranteed,  you'll learn something.

Those three have been the biggest for me in my development. They can work for anyone.

TM: You have a KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) approach to training that many readers find refreshing. Do you have a similar approach to nutrition?

DJ: I give this advice to every single person I know. First, do what grandma told you to do and eat breakfast. I tell all my athletes that before you come see me you should have eaten two meals and a snack.

Sounds simple I know, but you'd be shocked by how little some trainees eat. I had a girl pass out on me during a lifting session and I asked her what she'd eaten that day. She said, :Five French fries." I asked, "Five orders of French fries?" and she said, "No, five sticks of French fries." Anyway, if you don't at least eat breakfast then don't ask me about anything else.

Second is what I call the "more, more, more" philosophy: more protein, more fiber, and more fish oil. How much more? That's the thing, they're all self-regulating. Sit down in front of three pounds of salmon and tell me how fast you can eat it.

Actually, that should be the next big challenge; instead of hot dog eating contests, there should be salmon eating contests. Protein is self-regulating, fiber is VERY self regulating, as you'll discover rather quickly, and fish oil is self regulating. I still don't think people take enough of it. I think the minimums on the bottle are just that, minimums.

The third step is get off processed foods. That means none of what I like to call "cardboard carbs." If it comes in a box, don't eat it. If you don't know where it comes from, don't eat it. Meat, fish, poultry, fruits, and vegetables can be easily traced back to a farm or a pasture.

But Doritos and Ho-Hos? It's a lot harder to connect the dots.

People in the industry call that "eating clean" and it's funny when you start eating that way a lot of side issues start to fall away, especially for people who take antibiotics.

My friend Dr. Jeff McCombs talks about how Candida has become just a normal part of North American life due in part to the amount of antibiotics we ingest. The idea is once you start continually taking them, it throws off the intestinal flora of the digestive system.

Skeptics will scoff at this theory, but when you hear this repeatedly at some point you have to admit that there must be something to it. So step three is to focus on meat, leaves, and berries and to get away from processed, gassy carbs.

For example, a lot of people who try to eat this way complain about not having enough quick and easy breakfast options. Well, today I had steak and eggs. I cooked a few steaks last night for dinner, I kept two of them over, chopped them up, and there was breakfast. It wasn't that hard to do. Just top it off with some fish oil and you're done. Really, it's not exactly punishment to start your day with steak and eggs.

TM: Hardly. You've written previously about 'bus bench' time and 'park bench' time, and how it relates to training and preparing for competition.  What can the recreational lifter who doesn't compete take away from this analogy?

DJ: You know my work well, I'm impressed.

Time works in two ways for an athlete. The first way is park bench time. That's like when you go to a park, find a bench and just sit back and see what happens.

Let's say on a Tuesday morning a squirrel comes by. How nice, you think. If you go back on Thursday and the squirrel doesn't come by, you don't stand up and get pissed and say, "Where the hell's that stupid squirrel!" It's a park bench! If things happen, they happen.

Bus bench is different. If you take the 8:11 bus every morning, at 8:10 you're standing up looking down the street for the bus. At 8:11 you're looking at your watch, at 8:12 your day's ruined, and at 8:13 you're shaking your fist and cursing the heavens. That's bus bench time.

Now personally, I put my training on park bench time, meaning I go in, I enjoy it, and let things happen. I call it "punch the clock" workouts. You go in, do the movements according to plan, have a solid workout, and see where it takes you. It's going in and not expecting much-you're just going in to do a workout that you think over time is going to make a significant difference.

A bus bencher is different and most people need to start doing more workouts like these. Most T NATION readers want bus bench workouts, and I, Bodybuilder is a great example. Calculated, planned, and with very definitive goals every workout.

Neither bus bench or park bench is necessarily better than the other, but the key is this: the higher and higher you go, the more park bench workouts you should have. Ideally, you're going to start totally on the bus bench. "I'm going to lift five days a week and gain 10 pounds of muscle in 12 weeks." Everybody should start out with focused, measurable goals like that.

Yet as you train more, you should begin to expect less and less from your workouts--because you're getting to the gym and doing things that you know are going to benefit you in the long term.

Park bench workouts allow for what I call those A-HA workouts. That's when you see something or somebody shows you something and you say, "A-HA." That's the beauty of approaching training from the Park Bench: because you expect less and less, when an A-HA happens, you realize it and can take advantage of it.

I've just recently radically changed how I train my athletes, especially in the hip-based movements based solely from my A-HA experiences. I've literally learned life changing things, and I've been at this for decades now. That's the beauty of progressing from the bus bench to the park bench.

TM: So a rookie to intermediate should be more bus bench, but once you get a good idea how your body responds, move over onto the park bench?

DJ: As you get more established and learn things, you open yourself up to recognize those moments when that squirrel stops by. But you have to be in the right frame of mind for that to happen.

TM: Okay, you work with athletes; guys who play football or guys who throw stuff, but what the fudge do you know about bodybuilding? Say a kid came up to you and said, "Pops, I want to add an inch to my biceps or I want to add two inches to my thighs." What would you tell them to do?

DJ: Actually, what I'd say is you need to add 4 inches to your biceps and 12 inches to your thighs. With those one or two inch goals, you're going to go from a scrawny 140-pounder to a less than scrawny 148-pounder.

The biggest thing for most guys is to learn how to tense up and move some heavy iron. Now I didn't say slap another 45 on the leg press. I meant put more 45's on the deadlift or the bench press. And please, don't brag to me about your 225-pound bench press. I won't even listen to you until it's over 400.

I have no problem with someone saying that they only want to get bigger. That's fine. The mistake is doing what competitive bodybuilders do before a show to get bigger, rather than what these guys did for years and years to get to the size that they are. Big movements, big weights, low reps.

TM: So are you against direct arm work?

DJ: No, I just wish these lifters made better choices. If you're going to do curls, at least do thick bar curls. I think pull-ups are superior to many curls, anyway. Remember, the biceps get so much work just stabilizing the load, so if you can deadlift 600, you're going to have big, strong biceps.

As for triceps, I've never seen a triceps exercise that has more value than military press or bench press. If you can military press 300 pounds, you're going to have big triceps. Plus, I always worry about the elbow. Once you injure your elbow, it's like the wrist; they heal, but they don't get better.

TM: The word "spirituality" has been overused to the point of absurdity. How do you define spirituality and what place does it have in athletics?

DJ: Most people tend to compartmentalize everything. Here's my body, here's my mind, here's my soul. Yet it's really much more integrated than that.

Some of the most eye opening experiences of my life have come in sport. There are moments that I've had in my athletic career where the forces of the universe seemed to have combined to bring me a perfect day, and you just kind of sit there and take it in.

I remember when I played high school football, there was a game where I made 18 tackles. Now that's a lot of tackles, about 1/3 of the tackles for an entire game. The thing was, when opposing players lined up, it was like I knew where they were going.

The question is, how does that happen? It's that whole other side of our being where things just come together. When you're doing things right, everything just seems to line up.

People often ask me why I trust my intuition so much, something that I do much more than people know. For example, one of the best decisions I ever made was marrying my wife Tiffini.

People said I was crazy--she's too young, everyone said--but I knew from days into our relationship that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I just knew.

So the lesson here is, stop separating things out. Stop drawing these artificial lines from the person you are in the gym to the person you are in church. It comes down to one thing: integrity.

Integrity has a meaning in theology and in morality: it means being the person that you say you are. The key to integrity is to keep you one person. Don't be this person in one environment, that person in the next.

I've known many people who would rip you off in a heartbeat, but then tell you that they have to rush off to church. Be one person, one consistent person, so at your funeral they're all talking about the same guy. I think once you do that, the universe seems to conspire to help you out.

TM: You've been on this planet for over half a century. I'm sure you've seen many a lifting fad come and go, but you've likely seen some really effective things that have tragically fallen out of favor. What are some things you wish lifters would start doing again?

DJ: Functional isometric contractions. Short-range overload lifts. That saved my Olympic lifting career. Go in and find your weak range in an exercise and work it. That does NOT mean to just go in and train your lock out. Everyone can lock out 500 pounds, that's great, no one cares. Get an honest assessment of your weak range and overload it here.

My sticking point in front squats was exactly 34 inches off the ground, so I made a couple saw horses at that exact height and started my lifts from there. The first time, I struggled to budge 135, so obviously I was using momentum to push my lifts through that weak range.

Six weeks later, I was putting up 315 from the same height. So for me, functional isometric contractions were a career-saver. Find your weakness, load the power rack at that point and try to blast through.

TM: What's currently hot in the training world that drives you nuts?

DJ: I'd have to say, "I'm right and you're wrong." This idea that there's a correct way to train and that everything else is wrong. The funny thing is, in a lifter or bodybuilder's career, you need to wash through multiple ways of training to find what best suits you.

The HIT zealots are right about a lot of things. There's a body type that absolutely thrives on that type of low-volume training, ectomorphs in particular. But that's no way to train a football player or a thrower.

You can see a similar black & white negativity surrounding diet and supplements. When I come on the record and say that I like Alpha Male, something that I've said 1000 times before, immediately someone will write in that I'm a supplement whore. No, I'm Dan John; I've been experimenting with it, and it works.

I honestly think that we're on he cusp of some amazing things nutritionally speaking, but in certain places if I so much as mention nutrition people say, "Nutrition? Ha, that's for fags." Well, it's not. There are some things that work, plain and simple. Yet people are so quick to tear you down or question your integrity. That whole line of thinking is my biggest peeve.

TM: You talk a lot about how training should be fun. How can a regular dude who trains by himself four days a week at 24 Hour Fitness make their workout fun?

DJ: First, get the heck out of 24 Hour Fitness. Buy your own equipment. Work out in the back yard. Once a week, get your friends together, get a grill, bring some equipment and just do some stupid stuff. Don't get fancy. Do goblet squats, farmer's walks, see who can do the most squats at 135, do ten minutes of military presses. Do stuff you've never tried before and make it fun.

While you lift, have one guy keep an eye on the grill cause you got 20lbs of meat cooking. After you lift, laugh, enjoy each others company, and have a meat-fest; that by itself will do more for most people to make training fun.  First, look at what you're not doing: there's no iPod, no ESPN on TV, not a treadmill in sight. Instead, you're doing and interacting.

Any time you can inject a little camaraderie into your training you'll have fun. Watch Pumping Iron again, see how much fun all those guys are having? They take it serious, but the camaraderie was huge. We need to get back to that.

TM: Any closing advice for lifters on the wrong side of 40?

DJ: Once you get past 40, only two things matter: joint mobility and hypertrophy.

It's not flexibility. Flexibility is like a party trick for the muscles. I can instantly be more flexible. It's joint mobility, keeping the body able to move correctly in a given plane that's vital to long term training.

The other thing is, once you get past 32 or 33 you start losing lean body mass at a stunning rate. So you need to do some bodybuilding or hypertrophy work to slow this down. I focus on variations of the military press because I believe that the deltoids, triceps, traps, rhomboids, and probably the butt are the keys to youth. So the more time squatting, doing farmer's walks, and military presses, the younger you stay.

I also believe that it's a real mistake as you get older to keep bench pressing. Between the damage it does to the shoulder joint and the tighter it makes the pecs and delts, I say forget it. Those problems just get harder and harder to deal with as you get older.

I like to say that everyone can have one more injury, but do you have it in you for one more recovery? If you go rollerblading and break your wrist at 50, and it takes you 18 months to get back to lifting, where are you going to be in 18 months? Does the calendar say that you can afford an injury of that magnitude? That question gets tougher to answer as you get older.

So joint mobility, hypertrophy, and don't mess yourself up. Don't get that stupid injury you can't get back from.

TM: And finally, the last question, the franchise question if you will. Tell us something we don't know?

DJ: No one cares.

TM: Huh?

DJ: Seriously, no one cares. Where you place, the medals you get, the contests you win- no one cares. Enjoy life, have a good time. No one cares.

You know those commercials, where the guy says, "Look at me, I'm down to 8% bodyfat because of Product XYZ?" Well, a) you're not 8%, so get a new set of calipers, and b) no one cares. When you walk down the beach and see a great looking girl, do you think, "My God, she must be 115-pounds and 10% bodyfat!" Of course not. No one cares.

Having said all that, it's still important to have goals, and it's especially important to realize that it takes time to reach them. But you will never, ever reach them, no matter how much time you have, if you don't first set your goals with a deadline. Tonight, sit down with a pad and paper and start thinking where you want to wind up and connect the dots accordingly.

TM: So back to set a goal, set a deadline, and work backwards?

DJ: That's the key. It all begins with that single step.

TM: Thanks for doing this today Dan!

DJ: It was a pleasure.

ATOMIC DOG

I get it. Things look bad. You might be worried about your job, but that's if you even have one. And for those of you who aren't pulling in a paycheck, you're not overly excited about your prospects.

I read that even if the country suddenly started hiring people at a rate that matched the fastest rate ever, it would take until 2017 for the unemployment rate to get back to 5%.

And you surely can't be too happy about the environment. Even the most heartless Ayn Randian let's-cover-all-nature-with-concrete bastard has to feel some remorse at the sight of all that dead wildlife washing up on Southern shores.

Maybe it's the state of political discourse that's given you a chronic case of esophageal reflux. Who can blame you? Hell, the only reason we're not in the midst of a Civil War right now is that there aren't any clear geographical lines of delineation between political parties anymore.

Back in the 1860's, you had two groups of like-minded people and they were pretty much either in the North or the South. All you had to do was point your gun North or South and you were pretty much assured of your bullet hitting something that deserved killin' or killing, depending on your particular geography.

Nowadays, it's a good thing the "enemy" lives next door or across the street, or is the person who does your pedicure. Otherwise, we'd probably be in a civil war!

After all, how are you going to amass troops in your neighborhood when there are just as many "bad guys" in your neighborhood as "good guys," and while any armament you deploy will blow up his Burger King, Kinko's, or Piggly Wiggly, they're also your Burger King, Kinko's, or Piggly Wiggly?

If that ain't bad enough, you're sitting in front of your computer in your underwear either trading political jabs with some other idiot who watched a talk show and is itching to parrot the idiocy he heard; reading the inane Facebook posting of hundreds of "friends" who not only wouldn't lend you a kidney or drive you to the airport, but who couldn't even pick you out of a lineup consisting of you and a dozen Jonah Hill lookalikes; or you're reading the indulgent, masturbatory musings of some blond schmuck who looks like the guy who gets his ass kicked at the end of all the old Soviet-era Sean Connery-James Bond movies.

But it ain't all bad. There are plenty of good reasons to keep on living. In my younger and more vulnerable years, there were occasional self-pitying microseconds when I used to fantasize about offing myself in some spectacular way that would make all my friends mutter the f-word and shake their heads, but then I'd do something simple or subtle but pleasurable that would draw me out of my self-pity and caustic introspection and I'd be my usual happy, goofy self again.

Maybe it was just eating a piece of chocolate. Shit, how can you think of offing yourself when there's stuff like chocolate in the world?

Maybe it was going to a strip club to see a beautiful naked lady shaking her meaty breasts to Ramstein.  Shit, how can you think of offing yourself when there are beautiful naked ladies who'll shake their nonnies at you while Ramstein is playing?

Maybe it was eating a piece of chocolate while watching a beautiful naked lady dance to Ramstein. Man, something like that ought to revive the spirits of even the most disconsolate bastard.

Anyhow, it's with that spirit in mind that I offer the following reasons to keep on living, while admitting regretfully up front that none of them are as good as a piece of chocolate or a beautiful naked lady.

1. Candace Swanepoel isn't Married Yet. Okay, so the chances of you nabbing this South African Victoria's Secret model for your own are about the same as you inventing time travel, but you got one thing going for you and that's that albatross of a name she's sporting. Chances are, she's dying to trade Swan-ee-pool for anything.

2. Time Travel Might Be Possible. Aha! Maybe you can make Candace Swanepoel your own!  In an article for the Daily Mail, Stephen Hawking, the physicist that even Hollywood would balk at inventing, hinted that time travel might be possible.

It would involve somehow expanding infinitesimally small wormholes so that they'd be large enough to accommodate a human or a spaceship. You'd also need to figure out how to travel close to the speed of light, so it's going to take you more than an afternoon or two to figure it out.

Once you overcame those obstacles, you might, like Hawking, choose to drop in on Marilyn Monroe in her prime, drop in on Galileo as he turned his telescope to the sky, or even travel to the end of the universe to "find out how our whole cosmic story ends."

Personally, I'd go back in time to impress babes with my prescience: "Sweetheart, mark my words. Someday there'll be a hunky actor named Keanu Reeves." Nah, I'd probably zip back in time to try to thwart catastrophes or crimes.

3. One Animal That Fills All Your Needs.

Lisa: I'm going to become a vegetarian.

Homer: Does that mean you're not going to eat any pork?

Lisa: Yes.

Homer: Bacon?

Lisa: Yes, Dad.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: Dad, all those meats come from the same animal.

Homer: Right Lisa, some wonderful, magical animal!

Homer obviously didn't know about the wonderful dietary versatility of the common pig, but imagine how his mind would have been blown if he knew that same wonderful, magical animal that provides us with pork, bacon, and ham could also be used to clothe him from head to foot in fleece! (See photo at right.)

My God, those genetic engineers have finally gone too far! What's next, cows with hands so they can milk themselves? Chickens with ten wings instead of two that grow featherless and are coated with amino acids that taste like KC Masterpiece barbecue sauce?

What's that you say? These "pig-sheep" are actually called mangalitsa and they're not genetically engineered? They're related to boar and you can find them in the forests of Austria and Hungary? Oh well, never mind.

Okay, maybe this isn't much of a reason to keep on living, but the weird, sometimes science-fictionish world of nature gives me a charge, especially when I'm exposed to some beastie I haven't seen before.

4. Mad Men is Returning. The sexy show that depicts the vapid, amoral Madison Avenue of the 1960's (as opposed to the vapid, amoral Madison Avenue of 2010) comes back to AMC on July 25^th. As good as the show is, one can only imagine how much better (juicier) it might have been if uncensored, commercial-free HBO hadn't turned it down years ago.

5. Dexter is Returning. We're still freaked out about the over-the-top conclusion of the fourth season. Was it a dream? The producers say no. So where does our favorite serial killer go from here? And who's going to clean up all that blood? We'll find out in September.

6. You Haven't Met Brittany Dailey Yet. You can be forgiven for not knowing who Brittany Dailey is. I mean, unless you watch a lot of Snoop Dogg, Webbie and Lil Boosie, or Marques Houston videos, or masturbate a lot to pictures at Spank Bank, you probably haven't seen her.

You will, though, you will. This 22-year-old model of Black, Irish, and Apache descent is the real hybrid of the future, seemingly combining the best features of all her blood lines: an ass that's characteristic of the most desirable black women, a face that's a blend of all three ethnicities, and a butthole, because of her Navajo heritage, that will probably never, ever need waxing.

7. Electron Boy. Most recipients of the Make a Wish foundation's generosity choose to go to Disneyland or to meet some celebrity, but not 13-year-old Erik Martin of Seattle.

Nope, Erik wanted to be the superhero Electron Boy and save people, so the Make a Wish Foundation, local police, and even Seattle's professional soccer team joined up to devise an elaborate scenario.

The day began with a call from Spiderman, who implored Electron Boy to help him fight Dr. Dark and Blackout Boy, who'd taken the Seattle Sounders hostage and planned to cut out Seattle's lights.

Martin's hero-for-a-day sidekicks picked him up in a DeLorean and, accompanied by 20 motorcycle cops, accompanied him to Qwest Field where Electron Boy saved the trapped soccer players.

In the middle of receiving kudos for saving the team, a message blasted over the loudspeaker system that Dr. Dark was holding an electrical company worker prisoner. Electron Boy leapt to action, slew Dr. Dark, saved the electric company worker, and freed a group of people that Dr. Dark had trapped in the Space Needle.

Martin, as is characteristic of most superheroes, was loath to brag, but he did say, "This is the best day of my life."

8. The NHL and NBA Playoffs Are in Full Swing.  You might not know it, but I come from a hockey family. (See pic at right: that's my mom, Tulip, young TC, younger brother Thor, and unborn baby sister, Tampon.) That's why I'm glued to Versus during the hockey playoffs and if Lebron is playing over on TNT, I'm hitting that "previous channel" button so often that the TV starts to strobe.

9. Christian Thibaudeau and Tim Patterson are Developing Fantastic New Workout Methodologies. Nuff said.

10. Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert's Contracts Have Been Extended to 2012. So what if they're comedians? These two are practically the only ones who are policing both the news media and politicians. Their bullshit vision is 20/10, regardless of whether they're looking at blue bullshit or red bullshit.

11. Scientists Continue to Make Quantum Leaps in Understanding the Human Condition. Scientists have found out that obese children, regardless of gender, race, socioeconomic skills or academic achievement, are more likely to be bullied.

Man, didn't these idiot researchers ever attend grade school? Fat kids get bullied, huh? Next thing you know, you'll be telling us that 8^th graders who dress like Harry Potter and eat their boogers are also, inexplicably, more likely to be harassed by their classmates.

In more groundbreaking science news, Cornell University just released a comprehensive study that revealed that dieters eat 20% less when food is kept off the dinner table. 

If you've got a science mind, you can probably extrapolate from this study to come up with all kinds of dieting strategies. For instance, eliminating ice cream from the freezer might result in decreased consumption of fatty, sugary, frozen foods.

See? Being a scientist is easy!

12. Spartacus Hasn't Been Cancelled.

Antoninus: Are you afraid to die, Spartacus?

Spartacus: No more than I was to be born.

If you're a fan of the outrageously bloody and outrageously stylish Spartacus: Blood and Sand, you know that lead actor Andy Whitfield was recently diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, leaving the continuation of the series in doubt.

However, NY Magazine reports that the Starz network is considering a prequel series where a younger actor might replace Whitfield. Once Whitfield recovers, shooting of season 2 would resume.

Staff writer Maurissa Tancharoe later confirmed the report on Twitter.

13. Your Girlfriend Just Started Doing Yoga. (That, or She Started Working out With Eric Cressey and Mike Roberton.) Sexologists, writing in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, concluded that "the discerning observer may infer women's experience of vaginal orgasm from a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles."

In other words, women with a free and easy walk, free of muscular imbalances, tightness, or adhesions, were more likely to experience vaginal orgasm and thus, I'm guessing, would be much more enthusiastic about sex.

14. The World Cup, 2010. Okay, it's not a reason for me to keep on living, but you can't blame me; I come from a country where they hate soccer. It's called AMERICA!

However, I do realize that there might be a billion or two people that get excited about it. All of you, just stay out of my way this June and July and we'll be fine.

15. Jizz Sells for $12.95. Not that kind of jizz...well at least I think it's not that type of jizz. Jizz is the name of the milky white nail polish manufactured and sold by the BleachBlack company.

Although I haven't read their marketing spiel, I suspect Jizz goes well with a pearl necklace and girls should be careful about getting it in their eyes, face, hair, bed sheets, curtains, overhead lights, ceiling fan, grandmother's memory quilt, or any of the other places that are routinely exposed to real jizz. Not sure if it's safe to swallow.

I'm not exactly sure why this is a reason to keep on living, but I for one look forward to the release of Shitstain and Penis Scab, if only to see if they succeed in the market.

16. Even if You Do Off Yourself, You Can Live Forever (Sort of)! David Morales Colòn, a 22-year-old Puerto Rican, was shot to death a couple of weeks ago. Rather than embalm him and stick him in a tired old, been-there, done-that coffin, his family and the morticians decided to be Miracle-Whip-will-not-tone-it-down bold and do something a little different.

When Colòn's friends and relatives dropped by the funeral home to pay their respects, they were greeted by the site of the embalmed Colòn, dressed in jeans, black long-sleeve T-shirt, and sunglasses, perched atop his Honda CBR600 F4 as if he were racing along celestial roads on his way to his chica's house. (See photo at right.)

Maybe being sent to the afterlife on a motorcycle—el muerto en motora—isn't your thang, but I assume the possibilities are endless. Me? I'd like to be sitting at a poker table in Bora Bora with a Cuban cigar in my mouth, hitting a straight flush on the river that was dealt by a beautiful topless female dealer, curling a dumbbell in one hand, a couple of dogs at my feet, a Kindle (that's displaying The Great Gatsby) nearby for reading in-between hands, and a 60-inch Pioneer HD flat screen that's showing the World Series.

Granted, none of these things are as good as getting a new, high-paying job, being discovered by Hollywood, winning the Nobel Prize, selling the publication rights to your first novel, or scoring a date with Candace, Brittany, or the hot mammal of your choice, but everyday life is full of lesser joys that, consumed in large enough quantities, give you a pretty good buzz.