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Atomic Dog: The Testosterone Principles
An Interview With the Atomic Dog


Testosterone Nation, to the casual observer, is a collection of articles about exercise, nutrition, and supplementation. These articles are supported by an interactive public forum. There's a store filled with exclusive, high-tech supplements. There are pictures to look at. T-Nation is a vast and varied country, and like a country in the real world, it contains an enormous variety of people with an enormous variety of opinions.

But for almost ten years, this well-muscled nation has had one constant voice. Part-warlord, part philosopher-king, maybe a little man-behind-the-curtain pulling levers, TC has basically set the tone for Testosterone Nation through his Atomic Dog columns.

Once a week for almost a decade, TC has given voice to the modern male. Sometimes he does it by making us laugh. Sometimes he motivates us with a verbal kick in the pants, whether the subject is talking to curvaceous women or getting our asses into the squat rack. And sometimes he just flat pisses us off. But here's the kicker; he always makes us think.

Now, whether they're ready for it or not, mainstream America is about to get bitten by the Atomic Dog. TC's long-awaited book, Atomic Dog: The Testosterone Principles, is set to hit the shelves. Cry havoc and let slip one of T-Nation's top dogs.

Luckily I was able to grab him for an interview before Matt Lauer and the birds on The View could tangle with him.


Testosterone: First off, why a book?

TC:

"Testicularity is the last vanguard of civilization; what ties us to nature, what makes us want to excel, what makes us want to discover, invent, and conquer. Don't let your balls go the way of the appendix."

— Page 21

Testosterone: One section of your book is all about sex. Another is called "Men vs. Women." Yet another is about the feminization of males. Finally, you rage against the women out there who keep their hubby's testicles in mason jars. So which is it? Are women the enemy, the spoil of war, or our ultimate allies?

TC:

Testosterone: Who do you think is going to love your book? Who do you think is going to have an aneurism?

TC:

"We masturbate all the time when you're not around. In fact, house dust is nothing but dessicated semen."

— page 358

Testosterone: How do you think women are going to respond to your book?

TC:

Testosterone: You're an intellectual, a really smart guy. You're also a lifter, a warrior of sorts, and a tough guy. Most people just don't associate books and barbells with the same guy. So is that the essence of man: smart and ballsy?

TC:

Testosterone: Reading some of your work, the term "anti-marriage" comes to mind. In fact, you've been accused of being that in the past. Are you?

TC:

"As soon as you get married, the Goddess becomes a mere mortal. Out come the sweat pants. Out goes the make up. All that exotic underwear that she used to turn you into a slobbering lap dog with an erection about yay big? It lies moldering in a little used drawer. Once in awhile, you furtively slip into the bedroom to excavate a pair of those exotic, memory-filled panties, place then against your face and snort like a pig looking for truffles, but instead of getting a scent of her perfumed Hoo-Hah, you just get a dose of Lemon Pledge and have to make an appointment to see an asthma specialist."

— page 232

Testosterone: Okay, you're not anti-marriage. How about "anti-kids?" Don't you call babies "totally dependant blobs?" Aren't you in fact [dramatic courtroom drama music here] anti-procreation?!

TC:

Testosterone: In The Testosterone Principles, you write a lot about, well, Testosterone. Is the general public starting to get the idea that maybe this hormone isn't the root of all evil, or is there still a big battle to be fought?

TC:

"Testosterone and its partner, manhood, is like standing on a bluff overlooking the ocean on a sunny day and diving in, emerging from the spray of the surf into the cool breeze like King Neptune, only to be greeted by something beautiful with big tits lying in the sand."

— page 47

Testosterone: You like discussing politics. Any Testosterone related agendas you'd push if you were Commander in Chief?

TC:

Testosterone: You caught a lot of flack once by simply writing two words: "Experience sex." Why the flack?

TC:

"If I were single and really out on the prowl, I'd limit my hunting to the gym. It's hard to hide serious flaws (cellulite, a vestigial penis, etc.) when you're wearing shorts and a sports bra. Why, many was the time, in my single days, when I would meet some seemingly attractive woman at a night club, take her home, and peel off her tube top and skintight Lycra slacks, only to be engulfed in mounds of flesh that, suddenly freed, had come gushing out like dough out of a Pop 'N Fresh muffin canister that Mom had whacked against the kitchen counter."

— page 217

Testosterone: Where can readers pick up the book? Can Blue whales order in bulk for a mass book burning outside Wal-Mart?

TC:

© 1998 — 2007 Testosterone, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

 

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