Guest Atomic Dog
Shut Up
by Chris Shugart
Dear Fat Lifters,
Shut up.
Allow me to elaborate. We as a subculture are obsessed with numbers. Maxes and scale weight come to mind. PR's are one thing, but the body weight obsession borders on silly. The number most lifters fixate on is 200.
Let's be realistic here. If you're training primarily to look good or even perform better, then why is being 230 and chubby better than being 185 and shredded? Usually it's not, especially from a cosmetic point of view. Yet we see it every day on forums: the sub-200 pound guys getting crapped on by the 200 pound-plus guys. See what I mean by number obsessed?
What's funny (and maybe a little pathetic) is that many of these 200 pound-plus guys look like shit! They have tits, not pecs! And unless youre a pro powerlifter putting food on the table by putting up big numbers, fuck having a big gut to "help get out of the hole when squatting." Guys who don't participate in powerlifting events don't need a fat gut to get out of the hole.
Let me give you fatty lifters a little lesson. You say that although you're fat, you're "hard" and "solid." Fat distribution varies among individuals. The "hard-fat" guys predominantly posses something known as subabdominal or visceral fat: adipose tissue that accumulates beneath the abs and coats the internal organs.
Doctors refer to this as "heart attack fat" and it's much more dangerous than regular subcutaneous fat accumulation. (It's also easier to lose, so that's good news.) Since most of this fat is subabdominal, the person may appear "thick" yet hard since even the abs may be partially visible. Sadly, if you look like this, then you better dial 9 and 1 on your cell phone, because it's only a matter of time before you need to push the other 1 to summon an ambulance.
And what's with all the cries of "Get Fuckin' Huge!" or "GFH!" Huge with muscle? Great! I'm all for big muscles, but a huge gut and love handles that look like you're wearing an SUV's spare tire around your waist? Um, no thanks. I don't know what's worse, a skinny anorexic girl obsessed with watching the numbers on the scale go down, or a fat bodybuilder obsessed with watching the numbers go up, blissfully blind to the fact that most of the weight is coming from rolls and rolls of blubber.
Some of these porkers actually have the nerve to criticize the lean lifters. I guess I missed the memo about flabby love handles being a sign of how "hardcore" a person is.
GFH? How about GFF: Get Fuckin' Fat.
Or maybe DFY: Die Fuckin' Young.
Maybe IHBLIAVLFT: I Haven't Been Laid In A Very Long Fuckin' Time!
Those would be more realistic battle cries for these delusional lifters.
Now, let's leave the make-believe world of professional bodybuilding and high level powerlifting and enter for just a brief moment into the realm of reality. Brace yourself, fatties, this might not be pleasant. Top level powerlifters and bodybuilders do indeed eat massive amounts. In fact, a lot of them eat massive amounts of fast food and other garbage.
Yes, they're very large, very strong, and sometimes even very cut (at least the bodybuilders). But they're also using buckets of steroids, GH and other drugs! If you eat like that without their drugs and without their genetics, you'll just look like an ordinary fat guy. Plus, you'll be almost as unhealthy as an ordinary fat guy.
Fat lifters make fun of lean guys who look great with their shirts off but "don't look like they even lift" with a T-shirt on. Well, what do you think you look like in a T-shirt? Answer: If you're drug free, then chances are you just look unhealthy and obese.
Sorry, fat lifters, but many times these sub-200 guys look great. Some of them even look bigger than those who outweigh them by 20 or 30 pounds because their muscles are actually visible. Many of the classic bodybuilders from the past were sub-200. You gonna tell Frank Zane that he didn't look great because he usually weighed only around 180 in competition? Would you say, "Dude, you just gotta frickin' eat!"
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Frank Zane in his prime.
What kind of demented ego-defense mechanism are these fat lifters employing anyway by picking on the lean guys? How pathetic is that? Wonder which one women would prefer? Which one is going to live longer? Which one is more athletic and mobile in everyday life?
Yeah sure, those breasts and rolls of back flab do shorten the path the bar has to travel which will help your bench press PR, but the rest of the day all 23 hours, 59 minutes and 55 seconds of it you're just a lard ass with good forearms! The bodybuilding fatties are even worse than the powerlifting fatties. If I hear another bodybuilder bragging about hitting 250 pounds when 50 pounds of that are stored on his gelatinous caboose, I'll hurl.
Yeah, that ticks off you corpulent lifters who are making excuses so you'll feel better about having no dietary willpower, but unless you're an NFL lineman, go gripe somewhere else. Your excuses are transparent. Only you believe them. The rest of the world is snickering at your man-boobs and your "hardcore" extra chins.
I've gotten over my 200-pound obsession. I don't care how much I weigh anymore as long as I look good, feel great, and avoid being a lard ass. The theme in 2005 is lean and muscular, veins and striations and defined abs and obliques. I've got an exercise tip for you pathetic fatties who happen to lift weights: six sets of pushing away from the damn buffet!
Dear Skinny Bastards,
Shut up.
Should I elaborate again? I think I should. If you beanpoles send me another letter asking how to lose weight while in the same letter admitting that you weigh under 150 pounds, I swear to Arnold I'm going to feed you to one of the fat bastards mentioned above. I'll just slip your boney butt into a bucket of KFC and the fat bodybuilders will eat you up, size small Abercrombie T-shirt and all.
Yes, a 150-pound guy can have excess fat on him, but unless you build some muscle, what do you think you're going to find when you burn the fat off? Do you think there's a rock-hard, chiseled physique waiting to be uncovered under there? Hey, Screech, those aren't abs, they're ribs, stupid!
What's worse, these boney boys are the exact ones who buy NO2, fake GH booster products, liquid creatine, and every other worthless or near-worthless supplement out there. Hey, you manorexic toothpick, the password is food. The other password is iron. Put those together in proper proportions and you'll build muscle, burn fat and eventually achieve a healthy and awe-inspiring body composition. And you might even weigh more than a 12-year-old girl with an eating disorder and self-esteem issues!
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"Yo, should I use NO2 or Trim Spa with the Atkins diet for maximal toning?"
And what's with this trend toward looking feminine? I love a lean female body but I don't want mine to look like that! Sure, Details, GQ and Esquire are full of skinny guys sporting pointy pelvises, but remember, the fashion world is ruled by gay men. I have no problem with gay men, but I try not to let them influence how I should dress or what my body should look like.
Do you really want to look like what the gay community calls a "twink?" No? Then skip the Tic-Tacs and cigarettes diet and add some damn weight to the bar!
The only thing worse than a 140-pound kid on a low carb diet is a 140-pound vegan on a low carb diet. Skinny guys can be educated and saved, but goddamn vegans need to be fed to the chickens. Eat like a man, metropussy!
Dear T-Nation Reader,
There is a happy medium.
I think most of us know that and most of us admire the physiques that reflect both a substantial amount of muscle and a low body fat percentage. Whether a competitive athlete or a regular guy wanting to look better in his birthday suit, we most admire those physiques that reflect balance and symmetry. We don't want to look obese and we don't want to look skinny. Loves handles and bones are equally disdained.
Sure, our genetics often fight us on achieving this look, this T-Man ideal, but that's part of the game and part of the struggle that makes us better than the average man on the street. The naturally skinny-prone guys and the naturally fat-prone guys both have their challenges to overcome, but the power is in that overcoming, not the different paths they have to take to do it.
We are a family that has grown into a nation, a group with many individual goals bodybuilding, powerlifting, athleticism but bonded together by barbells, good nutrition and smart supplements.
Dear World,
We are T-Nation. If you don't like it, shut up.
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