Gang O' Babes
Compiled by Michelle T. Vixen

Women. We like 'em a lot, even if we don't always understand them. You may not know this, but women are, well, different than us. They look better in tight T-shirts than we do, they smell better, and they're more fun to hang out with after dark than your buddy Ernie. Still, as much as we've studied this strange yet beautiful species, we're still baffled by their many secrets and strange rituals.

In order to better study this intoxicating species, we built a "babe blind" in the middle of a shopping mall and tracked their movements and behaviors for several days. But alas, security finally kicked us out after TC shot one with a tranquilizer dart and Chris tagged her ear with a tracking device.

Since that didn't work, we came up with another nutty idea. We'd talk to them! So we invited a few T-babes into Man Land to ask them a few questions. Much like our old Gang of Five column, these women have different opinions and may not always agree with each other. That's cool. One thing we do know about women is that they're complicated creatures. A woman is a finely crafted Swiss watch, whereas a man is, well, a sundial constructed by jamming a stick into the dirt.

We found this experiment interesting, educational and thought provoking. Plus, it gave us a chance to talk to girls about sex and other stuff without all those annoying restraining orders. Hope you find it interesting as well. Oh, and if you're easily offended by thoughts of nekid womanly flesh and mattress dancing, then you better skip this article.

Making Love Vs. F*&king Like Wild Animals

Q: In a woman's mind, is there a difference between "making love" and "having sex"?

Michelle, 27, web developer — Absolutely. Well, actually there are three levels: fucking, having sex, and making love.

Level 1: Fucking — You just met the girl, you may not know her last name, and you go back to your place (or hers) and get it on. This is the sweating, panting, go till you pass out then go some more, tear each others' hair out variety of sex? blind animal lust. When you're done you wonder not if the neighbors heard you, but if the neighbors five houses away heard you.

Level 2: Having sex — You've dated for a while, there's some emotional attachment and some mutual interests that surpass physical ones. You may not be "official" boyfriend and girlfriend, but you're sure there's more than just blind lust (see level one).

Level 3: Making love — The title says it all: making love. You can only make love when you're in love. Granted, you can fuck when you're in love (i.e. a quickie in the car at lunch!) but making love is reserved for those who have deep emotional attachment.

Heather, 24, teacher — There is a big difference in a woman's mind between "making love" and "having sex." For myself and many other women, making love is obviously about having an intimate and emotional connection with your partner. However, having sex involves mostly just the physical mechanics of intercourse.

I'm a woman who appreciates both kinds of experiences, but some women truly believe you can't have great sex without making love. To them, intercourse is shallow and dirty without that personal "bond" being established. I disagree. Making love is a deep and emotional experience, but primal attractions shouldn't be discounted or ignored.

For example, I had amazing "straight up sex" with a guy who could match my every move between the sheets. We were in incredible sync with each other. However, out of the bedroom, the two of us were a disaster together. That "deeper connection" was never going to come because we were just too different. The moral of the story is that when "making love" is not a reality, great sex can still be had.

Katie, 25, stagehand and production electrician — Oh, yeah. "Making love" to me is about expressing the emotional connection you have with your partner and using physical pleasure to show your partner how much you care about him or her. "Having sex" is pretty much about sex for its own sake. Both are good things and can be fun, intense, mundane, mind-blowing, serious, and/or playful and silly, but I think the difference is in the intent. You can make love to someone you just met and have sex with your partner of forty years. The label, to me, is more about the intent than the act.

Sandy, 21, personal trainer — Well, I'd like to say no because it's the same act but when I think about it, I do get a different impression when I hear the two phrases. When I hear people say "we made love" it sounds like it meant something to them as a couple, like they waited a while and it was planned. But when I hear people say "we had sex," it sounds more like a casual thing, like "thanks, I had fun, I'll call you later." But this could just be my weird theory. Maybe I should experiment a little with this one. Why don't you send Chris Shugart over here? He sounds pretty cute. He and I will experiment.

Hope, 24, aspiring fitness model — Yes. Each has its own place. Sometimes I feel really wild and animalistic and just want to fuck. My husband loves those times. Other times, I see sex as a way to show love and acceptance to my husband. Which way I feel has mostly to do with the previous day — were we being playful and sexual on and off throughout the day? Likely I'll wanna fuck like crazy. Were we being "lovey" and romantic all day? Or had we fought and made up? Likely then I'd be more interested in "making love."

Jenn, 20, student — Yes! Having sex is seeking and giving sexual/physical gratification to someone that you love and care for or don't. It entails pleasure seeking undertones for both parties in many forms, positions and places. Making love and having sex are two completely different entities in my mind. You make love with someone that you love. It's not about the motion or climaxing when you make love. It's about looking into each other's eyes and experiencing a closeness both physically and emotionally. One isn't better than the other but within a relationship there should be room and time for both of them.

Diane, 40, college professor, fitness trainer, and author — Yes, big difference. Making love involves the emotions, mind, spirit, and the body, whereas "having sex" is just a physical "getting off," not all that different from masturbation, thank you very much.

Brad or Arnold?

Q: Do women prefer the lean and ripped look (Brad Pitt in Fight Club) or the more massive look, not like a pro bodybuilder, but you know, over 200 pounds and broad?

Michelle — Massive all the way. I'm relatively well built and I like guys who, comparatively, make me look small. I'm not little and dainty, but when I'm all dressed to go out I like to "feel like a girl" and if my shoulders are as wide as my date's and if my arms are bigger, then I definitely don't!

I don't like the shredded look at all, though. Big arms, big shoulders, broad chest? mmmmm. Of course, I'm not going to complain about some definition, but paper thin skin just looks, well, gross. Generally a two-pack is lean enough for me. Just under six feet and just over 200 is just right!

Katie — I mostly just prefer men. I like tall men, short men, skinny men, "ripped" men, broad men, all kinds of men. Well, I guess I don't find the pro bodybuilder look all that attractive, but Arnie sure looks good now that he's dropped all that bulk. I like the "active" body type most of all — guys who are in good shape because they have active lives, who hike and roller blade and walk their dogs and chase their nieces and nephews in their spare time. They aren't necessarily "ripped" or even "broad," but agile and strong and in good enough shape to keep up with me in bed.

Most of my boyfriends have been on the tall side of lanky, but I've dated many different body types and loved them all. A list of celebrities I find attractive includes Derek Jeter, Tom Cruise, Sam Shepard, Jude Law, and James Gandolfini. I don't discriminate when it comes to the rougher sex.

Hope — I think women on average go more for the Brad Pitt look. Oh well, I rarely agree with the majority. I like a very muscular, lean, but not grossly huge look. I like the look that's achievable naturally, but will take a very long time. I don't like the look that's only achievable by steroid use. I'm not against steroid use, I'm just using this as a reference point to explain my own preferences.

Jenn — I'm more often attracted to the over 200 and broad look. I like a man that has moderately low levels of body fat on a nice symmetrical frame. There's a difference in body type when a guy's on sauce and I prefer the natural bodybuilder look. Really skinny and lean men don't appeal to me at all. My kind of man has to have some meat on his bones!

Diane — This is entirely subjective. Uh, since Fight Club, Brad Pitt hasn't been looking all that ripped, but if you're taking that type of buff bod into consideration, I prefer that to the gorilla look. Maybe it's because I'm forty and I don't want to go out with a guy whose body screams out that all he eats, drinks, thinks, and does is weights. I'd rather be with someone who integrates fitness into his life in a well-rounded approach.

Then again, twenty years ago I really dug the big, broad guys.

Got da digits! Uh, now what?

Q: Okay, I got her number. Now what? How should I handle that first call? Any first date rules to help me make sure I get a second one?

Michelle — First of all, when you got it did you say, "I'll give you a call tomorrow"? If you did, then call her. Decide what you want to do, then call and ask if she'd like to go out with you. If you didn't tell her when you'd be calling, then give it a day or two and then call.

I know, calling right away makes you feel desperate, but at the same time, saying you'll call on Friday night and then not doing so is rude, plain and simple. Pull the "I'll call you tomorrow" and then not call for four days and you can rest assured that you probably won't have to worry about that second date. Most likely you'll be spared that first date, too.

If you get that first date and want a second one, then make sure you follow her cues. If you put your arm around her and she remains stiff as a board then back off; she may like you, but she may also be really nervous. Give her some space and let her warm up to you. Don't push anything, do something fun and relaxing. You'll get a second chance.

Katie — First of all, wait! Don't call that night, don't call the next day, don't call for two days. Waiting a week is acceptable— that's how long I expect a guy to take to call. Three or four days is the soonest a guy could call me without looking desperate. I prefer the men I date to have a life besides me.

When you call, be casual, it's really not a big deal. Stick to making plans and short chit-chat. A conversation can wait until you're face to face. If I don't know a guy that well, I don't want him tying up my time or my phone line until I decide if I like him. That's my best girlfriend's privilege alone.

As far as getting a second date goes, there's not much you can purposely do to ensure that. Review previous columns on dressing and conversational tactics to learn how not to frighten your date, but you'll only get a second date if there's mutual interest, and in that case, you're just as likely to be as put off as she is.

I've gone out with some attractive, considerate guys that I just didn't click with. There was nothing at all wrong with them, but there was no spark. I'd set them up with my friends, but they weren't for me. Then again, I once had a boyfriend to whom I was incredibly attracted but who treated me like dirt. So you could say it's all a matter of destiny. So just relax and enjoy your time together and decide if you like her while she's trying to decide the same thing about you.

Sandy — Well, I'm not much of a phone person so I like the conversations to be short. It drives me crazy when people call me and expect to talk about nothing forever. In my opinion (and like I said, I'm not normal when it comes to this so don't take my advice too seriously), the first call, and every call, should be just long enough to say hi, ask about our day, and arrange to go out sometime.

As far as first dates go, I don't think it matters too much. I usually know right away if I like you or not. So just try to relax and have fun. A little side tip — ask her some questions about her and her family (don't ask too many questions or she'll feel like she's being interviewed!). I've been going out a lot lately with guys who do this and to me it shows they really want to get to know me, not just get down my pants!

Hope — Really, I don't think rules or a specific etiquette will guarantee you a second date. She's not likely following a guide book to make sure you're doing everything correctly. If she likes you, she'll go out with you again. Just call her, take her to a nice place, be who you are, and see if you guys are a match. If not, no big deal, lots of other fish in the sea.

Jenn — Usually one should wait a few days before initiating the first call. Calling too soon signals desperation and calling too late signals disinterest. Wait two to three days. Make it a friendly conversation and look for signals that she's still into you and can remember who you are. Arrange a casual first date that's of a short time period. This will ensure that if there isn't a match, you won't have to spend more time with her than you should.

I'd try to hold back severe groping and sex on a first date. Be a gentlemen! Read her body language and ask before you kiss her! Think about it as a future investment. If you make a good impression but it never works out, your new found friend will just love to set up such a sweet guy with one of her hot friends.

Diane — Keep it simple. Call her and ask her out on a leisurely date. Ideas may include a workout at the gym, an afternoon at the beach, a nearby hike, or comparing one another's supplements over a cup of cappuccino. If it goes well and you're getting the good vibe, then ask her out for something a bit more along the lines of a traditional date, like going out to dinner. If she digs you, she'll dress hot and smile quite a bit.

Mullets, Crew Cuts, and Bald Guys

Q: What kind of hair style do you prefer on a man? Any hair styles you love? Any styles you hate?

Michelle — I just love mullets! They are so sexy! Not!

Most hairstyles are fine with me. Short hair is just as sexy as long hair, as long as it's well cared for and clean. If I had to choose one I'd unquestionably pick long hair, but it has to be meticulously maintained (no split ends or ragged spots) and it has to be thick enough to look good. Sorry, but if your hair is thinning then you have to cut it, because it'll never look good.

Long hair worn down, sunglasses, leather jacket?.mmmmmm. I dated a guy in college with thick red hair about half way down his back. After class he was walking down the hall towards me, hair loose, sunglasses already on, black jacket, nicely fitting jeans?I stopped dead and my jaw just dropped. I didn't skip class but I sure didn't pay attention! And I don't believe we got much sleep that night either?. Sorry, got distracted.

Heather — I'm usually attracted to men with extremely short hair or the "clean cut look" (hey, I was with a military man for a long time). But, there's something to be said for an exotic looking man that knows how to work his luscious locks. The only hairstyle I really "hate" on a guy is the mullet. My advice is to leave the 80's where they're meant to be? in the past!

Katie — Short. Buzzed. Shaved. No primping. I love short, messy hair. I can deal with short, corporate hair because corporate types must fit their corporate mold to keep their corporate jobs. I hate long hair, dyed hair (unless it's really creative or looks really good), and hair that took longer to style than mine.

Sandy — I like short hair on guys, or if he has the head shape for it, shave it! I like the messed up, gelled look — but not too gelled — like if he got stuck in a tornado you'd never know it. I definitely don't like long hair on guys. I hate ponytails and I'd hate him stealing all my hair elastics!

Hope — It all depends on how it looks on the guy. I never thought I'd like long hair on men, but I've seen some guys that look really good with it. I never thought I'd like a shaved (bald) head on a man, but when my husband tried it, he looked awesome. I don't have an easy answer, it's different based on the guy's overall look. Find the style you like best and wear it well.

Jenn — I love a well groomed haircut that fits with the styles of that point in time. I like a clean cut short style, messy and gelled to be specific. I like the athletic look in haircuts. I think that a man with a good clean haircut (and even with a nice color done) represents a man that cares about his appearance and taking care of himself.

Diane — Well, you're talking to an exceptionally bias chick here. I love, absolutely go gaga, ape shit over guys with long hair?yes, like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall and Interview with a Vampire, or the shoulder length hair Antonio Banderas used to sport in some of his older flicks like Desperado. I absolutely and undeniably abhor it when a man with a full head of hair decides to shave the whole damn thing off. Duh?.guys, you wouldn't find it too appealing if we did it, would you?

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